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} Actually, they're playing bridge. Here's their last hand . . .
}
} North (Elvis)
}
} S KQJ7
} H KJ32
} D K
} C K1083
} West S 9 S 10832 East
} (Hitler) H 9 H Q105 (Hoffa)
} D QJ10987653 D 42
} C 94 C J752
}
} S A654
} H A8764
} D A
} C AQ6
}
} South (Earhart)
}
} North-South Vulnerable.
} Dealer: West
}
} West North East South
} 4D 4NT Pass 5NT
} Pass 6NT Pass Pass
} Dbl Pass Pass Pass
} Pass
}
} West leads the 5 of diamonds which is taken by dummy's ace. North
} realizes one finesse has to work for the contract to come home and
} decides East probably has the missing honors, due to West's pre-
} emptive bid. (Of course, North thinks, West has always been known
} for his preemptive bids, even when he's doesn't really have
} anything; this is called the Sudentenland Gambit.)
}
} North comes back to hand with the four of spades, covering with
} the Jack. North plays the jack of hearts, which holds when East
} ducks and the four comes from the dummy. North then plays the 10
} of clubs, which east covers, and is then taken by the queen. To
} come back to his hand, North plays the 6 of spades from dummy,
} which West trumps with the 6 of diamonds. North explains to West
} that the King takes the hand, but West counters that the rules
} have now changed: he is no longer satisfied with no trump and
} insists the contract be played in diamonds. He also demands to
} put troops on North's side of the table.
}
} North looks to his partner for support, but she's no longer at the
} table, Instead there are some natives who are talking about some
} great white woman from the sky. He also realizes that East has
} disappeared, replaced by a New York Giants beach towel. West,
} meanwhile, has seized South's hand, and will, in the interest of
} peace, agree to a referendum as to what suit the contract should
} be played in. North, belching and adjusting his jumpsuit, agrees
} to the vote.
}
} After a secret ballot, the final result is No Trump: 1, Diamonds:
} 32. West then seizes all the clubs and herds them into a pile on
} the side of table, stating he will no longer use such worthless
} cards. North, knowing an incredibly tasteless analogy when he
} hears one, suddenly begins to gyrate his hips to an addictive
} melody which seems to come from nowhere, but everywhere.
}
} Six bikini clad women then emerge from the jungle carrying an
} acoustic guitar which they throw to North. During the ensuing
} musical number, the women enchant West with their dancing which
} allows North to snag some of his cards. West, realizing North
} took most of his diamonds while he was concerned with resources in
} the East, begins to despair, and retreat backwards from the table,
} burning the jungle around him.
}
} North, seizing the opportunity, runs the table to secure the baby
} slam, with an overtrick. When he goes to collect his winnings
} from West, he finds only a charred pile of ashes, and Geraldo
} Rivera.
}
} You owe the Oracle a copy of "Win at Bridge" by Omar Sharif.
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