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} The Oracle refers you to Ora-Mart, One Stop Meta-Shopping.
}
} Client: Where can I find the perfect man?
}
} Clerk: I assume you're looking for some sort of companion? May I
} suggest this cat?
}
} Client: I was hoping for a man.
}
} Clerk: Well I do have Simon here in stock, but he's not exactly
} perfect. People keep returning him with complaints.
}
} Client: What do you mean?
}
} Clerk: Well, he smells.
}
} Client: (sniff.) So he does. What is that, his feet?
}
} Clerk: Yes, I'm afraid. We're trying to respond to these complaints
} with a new model, perhaps you'd be interested?
}
} Client: Of course. Didn't you hear me? Man. One. Perfect. To go.
}
} Clerk: Well, to get rid of the smell, we removed the sweat glands.
}
} Client: An improvement.
}
} Clerk: Yes, but then he couldn't do any work without overheating and
} breaking down. People complained. Seems they want him to "lift
} a finger to help out around the place" or something like that.
} So, we replaced the internal organs with a combustion engine,
} exhaust system, and optional air-conitioning.
}
} Client: Hmmm, so now he'll lift a finger?
}
} Clerk: Well, there was the problem of him idling all day watching
} baseball or some other sport on the television. So, we removed
} the eyes and replaced them with halogen headlamps. An improve-
} ment, I'm sure you'll agree, but he still managed to tune the
} radio to idle and listen to sport. So, we removed the ears and
} installed a CD/Cassette/FM radio. Now you can tune him to suit
} your needs.
}
} Client: Doesn't sound very nice in bed? I mean, what's left to curl up
} with at night?
}
} Clerk: Well, the whole love thing has presented a problem to our
} engineers and marketing staff. We installed bucket seats that
} recline and have fully automated controls; they actually can
} caress you, and with enough fiddling around you can get a half-
} decent backrub. Of course, the biggest complaint in this love
} category we got was that he either didn't communicate or wasn't
} around to talk to.
}
} Client: Can you fix that?
}
} Clerk: Well, we installed a parking brake and this set of gauges that
} indicate his internal state in an easy-to-read format. Turns
} out there wasn't much to report, after all. Hunger, beer
} pressure, is my fly open? That kind of thing.
}
} Client: Amazing. What's that red light that never goes off?
}
} Clerk: That's indicates whether he's thinking about sex; it went out
} once in 1987, I'm told. Of course it's meaningless until the
} green light comes on, indicating "I have the energy to do some-
} thing about it."
}
} Client: Hmmm... seems like a car.
}
} Clerk: Well, yes, um, it... well, yes it does seem like a car...
}
} Client: What's left of the man part?
}
} Clerk: Well, it changes its own oil.
}
} Client: I'll take the cat.
}
} Clerk: May I interest you in some seedless corn or free money?
}
} Client: Just the cat.
}
} You owe the Oracle a factory rebate and a free test drive.
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