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} FEYNMAN: Paul, look at this. Big important question. Matter of life
} and death.
}
} DIRAC: Let me see. [Takes scrap of printout from Feynman].
} Richard, what's the question?
}
} FEYNMAN: There is no question.
}
} DIRAC: That's what I thought. What do we do?
}
} [Feynman and Dirac look at each other.]
}
} TOGETHER: Call Einstein!
}
} [Feynman picks up the red phone and hits the redial button.]
}
} FEYNMAN: [Into phone] Al, we've got a question here, or rather, we
} didn't get the question. We only got the grovel. And it's a
} matter of life and death.
}
} FEYNMAN: Sure. [Reads question over phone.]
}
} FEYNMAN: Okay. Fine. Yeah. Thanks.
}
} [Feynman hangs up. Dirac looks expectantly at him.]
}
} FEYNMAN: He said he'll think about it.
}
} DIRAC: Think about it? I could have done that.
}
} FEYNMAN: Yeah, but you'd have taken all day.
}
} DIRAC: Well, you'd have been up all NIGHT. I suppose you'd have
} gotten it right, though.
}
} FEYNMAN: Well, it doesn't matter whether Albert gets it right or not,
} he's authoritative.
}
} [The red phone rings. Feynman picks up the receiver.]
}
} FEYNMAN: Hello, Al? No. That's all there was. No, I don't know where
} the headers go, we never see them, they just print out the
} message part for us. Anonymity, you know. No. Yes, the
} computing center. I don't know, ask Ada at the exchange.
} Fine. [He hangs up.]
}
} DIRAC: What did he want?
}
} FEYNMAN: He thinks the question may have been mistaken for the next
} message's headers, so it should show up on some error log on
} some machine. He's going to call the computing center.
}
} DIRAC: What? He doesn't know SMTP from NNTP!
}
} FEYNMAN: I suppose he could learn.
}
} DIRAC: Do we have time for this? It was supposed to be a matter of
} life and death.
}
} FEYNMAN: Well, he's the genius.
}
} DIRAC: [Explodes] Well by God, so am I! I'm going to deduce his
} question from the grovel! You can help me, or you can go get
} me some coffee!
}
} FEYNMAN: I think I'll do both. [Feynman walks off stage.]
}
} DIRAC: Richard, he says the question's driving him mad with worry!
}
} FEYNMAN: [Off stage] Yes, and he mentioned his lack of wisdom.
}
} DIRAC: A matter of life and death...
}
} [Feynman returns with two styrofoam cups of steaming black coffee.]
}
} FEYNMAN: Here's your coffee. By the way, I've got it.
}
} DIRAC: WHAT?! Already?
}
} FEYNMAN: [Smiling] Paul, it's obvious! The guy got drunk, forgot to
} use a rubber, and now he's scared that he's caught HIV.
}
} [Dirac looks suspiciously at Feynman, as the red phone suddenly
} rings. He picks it up, still peering at Feynman with narrowed eyes.]
}
} DIRAC: Dirac. You did? [Long pause] ...
} Oh... Yeah. Thanks, Albert.
}
} [He replaces the receiver carefully.]
}
} DIRAC: Albert found the missing lines, along with a new bug in
} sendmail. The question reads: "Last weekend, I got so
} plastered that I'm not now sure exactly what happened, but
} I'm pretty certain I didn't remember to take all proper
} precautions, if you know what I mean, so what I'd like to
} know is, am I gonna DIE?!"
}
} FEYNMAN: [Incredulous] He really found the question?!
} What do you know, old Albert managed to surprise me!
}
} DIRAC: Well, I must say you've both surprised *me*. [Shakes his
} head.] So. What do we tell this guy? Has he got HIV or not?
}
} FEYNMAN: How would I know? But he didn't ask that, did he?
}
} DIRAC: You're right, he asked whether he's going to die.
}
} FEYNMAN: [Grinning] Exactly.
}
} DIRAC: Right! Bloody well he is!
}
} [Dirac grabs a keyboard and carefully types three letters.
} They don't spell "yes".]
}
} FEYNMAN: Paul, you devil!
}
} DIRAC: Well, what do you expect? I've been here for a decade!
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