Goto:

68, 68-01, 68-02, 68-03, 68-04, 68-05, 68-06, 68-07, 68-08, 68-09, 68-10

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What is the difference between like and love?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Water content. } "Like" is usually quite a bit less wet than "love", but not quite as } interesting

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>               ,wollef ythgiM ,elcarO iH > ?rorrim eht fo edis taht sgniht era woH

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Don't do it again! The Oracle. } <disconnected> } i deretne I !!teseR !pool a ni deretne I  !!teseR } !pool a ni deretne I !!teseR !pool a ni deretne I } !!srorrim  lellarap ni deppart era eW  .yllautca } doog toN ...noitseuq ruoy tuoba tcelfer ot evah I

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What are the words to the "official" Purdue anti- fight song?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} They're a trifle bombastic, but here they are: } (Don't ask me for the tune; it's a real mess.) } } Oy veh, Purdue, thou art awash in glory, }   Glory, power, and Purdue! } Oh, Purdue, I praise thy glory and deep historical significance! }   Glory, power and Purdue! } Wow, Purdue, take the ball unto yourself! } Wow, Purdue, run like perdition with the ball! }   The glory of Purdue shines like the sun and the moon! }   The glory of Purdue shines like the sound of this tune! } Wow, Purdue, let thy careening course not be stayed! } Wow, Purdue, 'till that touchdown be made! } Wow, Purdue, thou art like a totally amazing school! } } Oy veh, Purdue, thou art awash in glory, }   Glory, power and Purdue! } Oh, Purdue, I praise thy wide and splendid campus which is vastly }          superior to the Bloomington campus of I.U.! }   Glory, power, and Purdue! } Wow, Purdue, slam the foemen over the heads with large mallets made }          of pure maple syrup and frozen herring! } Wow, Purdue, stab the foemen through and through with the finest }          rapier collection in the whole state of Indiana! }   The glory of Purdue is a marvellous thing! }   The glory of Purdue, where the wheat-fields sing! } Wow, Purdue, soon the opposing team will be as confused, } Wow, Purdue, as if thou had flung a myriad of grenados and the shots }          of arquebusses towards them like the all-consuming thunder- }          bolt of Jupiter himself, great King of the Gods! } Wow, Purdue, thou art like a totally amazing school! } } Oy veh, Purdue, thou art awash in glory, }   Glory, power, and Purdue! } Oh Purdue, I praise thy extensive and quite amazing academic facilities! }   Glory, power, and Purdue! } Wow, Purdue, hurl yon leather spheroid unto regions celestial! } Wow, Purdue, inspire the alumni to contribute vast quantities of lucre! }   The glory of Purdue is totally amazing! }   The glory of Purdue, like the cattle a-grazing! } Wow, Purdue, soon they will be making vast donations and gifts to re- }          build the sadly diminished but still quite powerful endowment! } Wow, Purdue, soon they will be shelling out enough bucks to support the }          football team for yet another semester! } Wow, Purdue, if thou art successful, there will be another season, }          aye, another season even unto the aeons of aeternity! } Wow, Purdue, thou art like a totally amazing school!

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What is the meaning of life?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Life is just a fatal, sexually transmitted disease.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> As I thought.  Seeing as the Oracle can't even spell, I would detect the > slightest hint of a teensey weensey hoax!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The Oracularity that can be spelled wrong is not the true Oracularity. } } You owe the Oracle one hand clapping.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How can I tell if my cucumber is a koala bear in disguise?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The ways are many and varied, and the truely wise know them all.  Below } is a small sample, if you want more please send for my information } leaflet #1375KnotCuc-1-a/4 "How to tell a koala from a cucumber" (just } $5.95 plus handling) } } 1) Don't feed it eucalyptus leaves for a week. If it dies, it was a }    koala. } 2) Is it furry - if yes, it is either a koala or a very old cucumber. } 3) Does it squeal when swung around the room - if no it is either a }    cucmber or a dead koala (but see 1) } 4) Is it green? If yes, it is either a cucumber or a sick koala } 5) Does it taste good raw with salmon? If yes, it is probably a cucumber } 6) Does it bite back when tasted - if yes it is probably a koala bear }    (or a very fresh cucumber) } 7) Use a biological key - if it says it is a small furry animal it is }    probably a koala, if it says it is a small green vegetable it is }    probably a cucmber. } } Praise be to the all-knowing oracle.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I keep liquefying.  can youu help e wi /.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No problem. You just have to collect yourself into a container of some } sort, add forty kilos of flour, three cups of sugar and a piece of } yeast. Stir while waiting three hours. Bake at 225 degrees centigrade. } After this you should have no more problems with liquefying.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I blew my nose too hard, and my eyes were sucked into my sinus cavities. > What should I do?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} This is an unusual problem indeed....as the cases I usually encounter } involve the eyes being blown OUT of the head instead of INTO the } sinuses.  I would suggest trying a small phillips head screwdriver, or } if that doesn't work, a few drops of nitro-glycerine in the nostrils and } a good punch in the nose should do the trick.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I am organizing an equal rights movement and need to know some of the > opposition's opinions.  Please reveal to me why the designers of the > Zenith keyboard set the ESC key aside as an outcast and didn't put it > next to any other keys?  I think this is unfair and should be stopped.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}   Many feel that the ESC key is dangerous and should not be allowed to } reside near the other keys. }   However this seperation can also be looked at in a different light. } The ESC key is thought by many to be a special key that should have a } place of it's own. }   You can see what a delimma this creates, and it is obvious why the } pro-choice demonstraters are raising such a ruckus. }   You owe the Oracle a picket line.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Do those "subliminal self-help" tapes work?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hmmm.  This is an interesting fnord theory, but to tell you the truth I } can't see any savetheleap reason to think tha } } ---SYSTEM OVERRIDE } } Warning: entering Mickey Spillane mode } } It was a question, just like many I'd seen before.  Throw in a few } out-of- place words like "fnord" and "savetheleap", perhaps a request } for the asker's first-born child, and I'd have them eating out of my } hand.  It was so easy. } } That was it.  It was easy.  TOO easy.  They WANTED me to do that.  And } they I'd do it, because it would be funny.  But THEY would get to be the } creative ones, and I, I would look like a stooge. } } So the rest was easy.  Just hop on down to Joe's bar and talk with the } hooker du jour.  Then get shanghaied to New York, where I convince CBS } to bring back Mike Hammer.  Then watch everybody but me get murdered, an } } ---OVERRIDE CANCELLED } } returning to normal operation } } Ahem.  Yes.  Where was I?  Oh yes, those subliminal tapes.  Well, I look } at it this way: } } YOU OWE THE ORACLE $5,000.  FAILURE TO PAY WILL CAUSE UNSPEAKABLE CURSES } TO RAIN DOWN UPON YOU, YOUR CURRENT BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND/HUSBAND/WIFE/ } SIGNIFICANT OTHER, AND YOUR PET.  OF THE FIRST CURSE I CAN ONLY SAY IT } INVOLVES THE FBI, THE CIA, AND...THE IRS. } } Subliminal messages?  Who needs them?