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} Mein gotte! Don't you people ever get tired of these boy/girl games?
} First Mr. Lonely Swimmer, now you! [Note to high priest: restock the
} grape-bearing houris, replace the burnt-out choir angels, and fix the
} question dispenser] But it's not _just_ that. After all, were it
} _just_ that, I would write it off as being human nature and refer you
} all to psychiatrists. No, the thing that _really_ bugs me is, nobody
} *grovels*. Just once, I would like to see somebody get down on their
} knees and plead! Whine and whimper and shamelessly brown-nose! If I'm
} going to answer their questions, I want people to lick my boots, to
} give me their first born children, to sacrifice lambs and virgins to
} me! Oh, yes. I am sick and tired of questions, questions, QUESTIONS!
} I'm fed up with it, I tell you! "Most powerfull Oracle" isn't gonna
} cut it anymore body! And you _already_ owe me forever! Oh, the
} merciless cruelty of it all! Here I am, an intellect the size of a
} Ringworld*, and what do they ask me to do? Find the perfect girl!
} Life, don't talk to me about life!...
}
} Oh--look at me. I'm a nervous wreck! Excuse me for my outburst. Now,
} on with your question. As to the perfect female and where she can be
} found, here are the data you requested:
}
} Everybody knows the perfect female is three feet tall, with
} handle-shaped ears, and a flat head (to set down the beer bottle).**
} And, fortunately for you, she's wired! Yes, she can be found in
} Cyberspace. Unfortunately for you, Cyberspace exists only in novels.
} Fortunately, she is also connected to the Internet.
} Unfortunately, she doesn't have an e-mail address, but that's only
} because she's (fortunately) directly connected via leased line--I
} wasn't joking when I said she was wired.
}
} There, I've answered all your questions.
}
} You owe the Oracle one forever, thorough documentation on the VGA
} registers, and a mailer that doesn't lose characters. Come to think of
} it, a Coke would be nice about now. [Note to priest: Refill
} underground Coke syrup tanks at earliest convenience.]
}
} * All fanciful space habitats mentioned in this document (to be
} hereafter referred to as an "Oracularity") are the sole peoperty,
} intellectual and otherwise, of their creators.
}
} ** Just so we don't get those Oraclettes mad--the perfect man is also
} three feet tall and has handle-shaped ears, but has an eighteen-inch
} tongue.
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
