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} [Oracality Central. The supplicant has been transported to stand in
} front of the Oracle himself. Naturally, he has been supplied with
} Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses to protect himself from the Oracle's
} brillance. The crowd behind him cheers and applauds as the Oracle
} sits on a la-z-boy and puts his feet up, then grows silent as the
} Oracle raises a hand and points to the supplicant.]
}
} Oracle: Naughty, naughty supplicant... do you not deem me, the
} ever-present Oracle, worthy of even the simplest grovel?
}
} [People in the background start to hiss and boo.]
}
} Supplicant: [panicked look] Uh, well... you know... my parents
} were both Pepsi addicts, and I was abused by a woodchuck
} as a baby...
}
} Oracle: That is no excuse for a downright hearty grovel, however.
}
} Supplicant: [hangs head] I'm sorry! Really! I'll make it up to you!
} I promise!
}
} [Background chanting of "Zot! Zot! Zot!" begins.]
}
} Oracle: [to crowd] Alright, that's enough. Go home... nothing to
} see here.
}
} [As the crowd disperses, the mighty Oracle gets up and walks over to
} where the supplicant stands, his Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses completely
} blackened.]
}
} Oracle: [pats supplicant on shoulder] Look, I can understand if it
} was just your first question. [snaps fingers, la-z-boy appears
} behind him] Why don't you have a seat, and we'll talk about
} this, ok? [removes supplicant's sunglasses]
}
} Supplicant: [sitting down slowly] O- ok...
}
} Oracle: [walks around la-z-boy] All right, as I see it, you just
} wanted to know if it actually felt good to lick a frozen
} flagpole. Let me ask you something... how does it feel to lick
} a popsicle?
}
} Supplicant: [cheerily] Pretty good! Especially the grape ones, they're
} always...
}
} [Oracle cuts off supplicant with a look.]
}
} Oracle: So it feels good. And what about licking frozen yogurt?
} Does that make you feel good?
}
} Supplicant: [nods] Yes, I 'spose.
}
} Oracle: Good, good. Do you always do things that make you feel good?
}
} Supplicant: Well, I try to, but sometimes...
}
} Oracle: [interrupting] Well, that's all fine and dandy, isn't it.
} [pauses] Now do you remember any of your geometry?
}
} Supplicant: [nods vigourously] Yeah!
}
} Oracle: And so you know that if two triangles have similar sides,
} angles, etc. they themselves must be similar, right?
}
} Supplicant: Well...
}
} Oracle: Well, look at a popsicle and a flagpole. Other than size
} and color, they're similar shapes, similar temperatures, similar
} textures...
}
} Supplicant: [interrupting] But what does that have to do with frozen
} yogurt?
}
} Oracle: [glares] Never interrupt the Oracle when I'm on a roll,
} supplicant. [pauses, clears throat] As I was saying, the
} popsicle and flagpole have similar qualities, therefore they
} must be similar. Obviously, licking a popsicle makes one feel
} good, therefore, by simple geometry, licking a frozen flagpole
} must have the same effect.
}
} Supplicant: [nods] Okaaay, but...
}
} [The Oracle snaps his fingers and the la-z-boy disappears out from
} under the supplicant, who crashes to the floor. Next to the supplicant
} is a frozen flagpole.]
}
} Oracle: Go ahead. Give it a try. [smiles warmly] I'll be right here
} the entire time.
}
} [The supplicant looks at the Oracle for a moment, then tentatively
} sticks his tongue out and licks the frozen flagpole.]
}
} Supplicant: AAAAAAA!!!! I'm sthuck!!
}
} Oracle: Hmm. But does it feel good?
}
} Supplicant: NO!! Hellth me get unsthuck!!
}
} Oracle: [walking away] I was sure that it would... it was all so
} logical...
}
} [The Oracle snaps his fingers and a book entitled _Math Analysis and
} Logic For Engineers_ appears. He flips through the pages quickly as
} he walks out of the chamber.]
}
} Supplicant: HEY!! Ahn't thew gointh to hellth me??
}
} Oracle: [muttering] Two questions without groveling?? [sighs] People
} just don't have any manners anymore...
}
} [*ZOT*]
}
} You owe the Oracle a bucket of warm water and a case of cherry
} popsicles.
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