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} Hmmmm ... excellent question. Let's find the answer.
}
} OracleQuery: GENEOLOGY@SALTLAKE.MORMON.REL
} > Enter name of first subject
} Mr. Salty
} > Enter name of second subject
} Mr. Peanut
} > Enter name of third subject
}
} > Processing ......................................
} > 0 Records Found
}
} Well, I guess they weren't Mormons. Time to do this the old
} fashioned way. Lisa, please find me the Book Of Everybody,
} volume 983,554,014: Earth.
}
} *flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip ... flip ... flip ... flip*
}
} Hmm ... not in there, either. This IS interesting. Well,
} there's only one more thing to try. Lisa, please get your mother
} on the phone.
}
} "Hello, Ms. Lipshitz?"
}
} "Oh, well hello! Is that you, Orrie?"
}
} "Yes, me again. Listen, I'd like to know if you have any idea
} how Mr. Peanut and Mr. Salty are related."
}
} "Oh, now that's a SHAMEFUL story. I couldn't POSSIBLY repeat
} it."
}
} "Please, Ms. Lipshitz, we really do need to know."
}
} "Well, you know how I hate to gossip, but for you, Orrie ...
} Well, anyway. Remember back in the early days of movies, when
} all of the cupcakes and the drinks used to dance across the
} screen and tell everybody to go to the snack bar? They were all
} so cute in their little skirts and tap shoes. Well, anyway, one
} of those cupcakes was called Terri. You won't have heard of her,
} since her family made her change her name and sent her off to
} Milwaukee after the whole scandal. Anyway, late one night, she
} happened to meet someone, and she fell madly in love with him.
} That's the problem with youngsters, they'll fall madly in love
} with anything at the drop of a hat."
}
} "Why was that so scandalous, Ms. Lipshitz?"
}
} "Well, you know, he was an usher."
}
} "So the scandal was because he was human and she was a cupcake?"
}
} "Good lord, NO, Orrie! Didn't you learn ANYTHING in that fancy
} Oracle school your mother sent you to? He was an USHER! And her
} a big movie star. So far beneath her station." (sound of
} sighing) "If I didn't know better, I'd say that Terri just did
} it to spite her whole family. But of course she was brought up
} better than that."
}
} "I don't mean to hurry you, Ms. Lipshitz, but we're a bit pressed
} for time ..."
}
} "Oh, yes. Terribly sorry. Anyway, they had a torrid affair, all
} of it in secret, and the twins were the result. Terri managed to
} go on acting all the way to the end, since it's so difficult to
} tell when a cupcake is pregnant. Now those were the good days,
} when men liked their women well-padded. What IS this modern
} obsession with skeletal structure, that all you young men need to
} see ribs on your women? It's positively indecent."
}
} "Ms. Lipshitz, PLEASE."
}
} "Oh, for crying out loud, Orrie, you call me only twice a week
} and all you ever do is try to hush me up. I swear, I don't know
} what Lisa sees in you. It certainly couldn't be your good
} manners, or your respect for" *CLICK*
}
} Well, there you go, supplicant. The relationship between Mr.
} Peanut and Mr. Salty. As to the spokesman for nonsalted
} pretzels, there isn't one. The damn things taste so nasty that
} nobody wants to be associated with them.
}
} You owe the Oracle a handful of trail mix, and the updated
} version of the Book Of Everybody, all 64,846,882,926,107 volumes.
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