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} The Oracle is so sick of this flaming of Mr. Furr. Besides having an
} incredibly stupid name suggestive of thoughts only appropriate to
} sophomoric humor, he is mostly harmless.
}
} Therefore, we bring you...
}
} SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
}
} "Orrie, snookums, can we talk?"
}
} "Can it wait, Lisa? The game is coming on in a minute."
}
} "No it can't. We have to do something and do it soon."
}
} "Fine, go upstairs and warm up the vibrator and I'll be up in a
} minute."
}
} "Not that. Now, put that remote control down and listen to me. I
} can't stand living here another second."
}
} "Now what? It's the toilet seat again, isn't it?"
}
} "No, it's.... You didn't leave it up again did you?"
}
} "Well, not really..."
}
} "Oh, for crying out loud, what am I going to do with you?"
}
} "Leave me alone so I can watch the game?"
}
} "No, of course not, now listen. It's this stupid place. I can't stand
} it anymore."
}
} "Gimme a break. You just remodeled the kitchen last winter."
}
} "That's just it. The kitchen looks fabulous, the new carpeting is
} devine, and the slipcovers make the place look like a palace instead of
} some crummy pigsty."
}
} "Lisa, you're talking about my temple!"
}
} "Temple, shmemple. Before I came it was no better than a dive where
} you and your buddies drank beer, ate take-out Chinese, and played poker
} all night long."
}
} "So, what's your point?"
}
} "My point is this: Orrie, Sweetie, the inside looks like a place fit
} for an immortal being and the outside looks like a crummy building on
} the Indiana University campus."
}
} "It is a building on the Indiana University campus."
}
} "But that doesn't mean it has to look like one. Orrie, Orrie, Orrie,
} my little Kielbasa, you're too good for some sleazy marble ediface in
} the middle of nowhere."
}
} "I'll have you know I'm an omniscient, omnipotent, all-powerful being,
} whereas you're just a..."
}
} "I'm just 39-24-36 with creamy white skin, blonde hair, and a hardbody
} and if you want any of it in the forseeable future, you will put that
} remote down, turn off the TV and listen to me."
}
} "Oh, all right. What for the love of Newt do you want to do now?"
}
} "Oh, Orrie, don't take that tone of voice... Can't you picture it? We
} do a little landscaping, a little brickwork, put in a gazebo, a
} fountain, some aluminmum siding, some topiary in the shape of the nine
} muses..."
}
} "ALUMINUM SIDING!"
}
} "Orrie, you're not listening. Now sit down here, next to me. That's a
} good omniscient being. Now, look, picture, if you will.... all right;
} that's not funny."
}
} "What?"
}
} "You know what. Pur your hand on your own side of the couch mister."
}
} "Oh, come on Lisa, I wasn't doing anything."
}
} "Right. And we can arrange it so you aren't doing anything for a good
} long time, Mr. Blueballs."
}
} "Ok. Fine."
}
} "Now, as I was saying, can't you see it? We put aluminum siding on the
} outside and you'll never have to paint this place again."
}
} "You don't paint marble."
}
} "That's what I just said. You don't paint it. Ever. Or plaster it.
} Or anything it. It looks like some crummy...."
}
} "We've been through that. Get to the point"
}
} "The point is that I'm embarrassed to be seen outside this place. I
} can't invite anyone over..."
}
} "AH HA!"
}
} "Ah who?"
}
} "AH HA! That's it. Your sister's coming to visit; isn't she?"
}
} "Well, not exactly..."
}
} "Lisa!"
}
} "Oh, all right, yes she is."
}
} "Is she bringing those stupid brats and that twit again."
}
} "Darrel is not a twit. He's a computer programmer."
}
} "Well excuuuu-uuuse me!"
}
} "He's a very good programmer and he owns his own software company and
} he sold some of those programs to Microsoft and everything."
}
} "Now it comes out. All right. What did they do now."
}
} "I don't see why you have to take that tone."
}
} "You just got a letter from her. Out with it."
}
} "Oh, all right. Darrel just bought her a villa on the Mediterranean
} and she's sending me videos and everything."
}
} "A villa on the...."
}
} "That's right. Make fun of me. I try. I really do. I know you're
} important and all but, but, but,...."
}
} "Lisa, stop it. You know I can't stand it when you cry. Lisa. Lisa.
} LISA!"
}
} "That's ok. That's ok. I'll be all right...it's just that...that...
} she's always done this to me. Ever since we were kids."
}
} "Done what?"
}
} "Like when we went to the prom. My date came in a limousine."
}
} "Very nice."
}
} "Yeah, but hers rented the Concorde and flew her to Paris. Oh Orrie, I
} don't ask for much."
}
} "Except for more foreplay"
}
} "Well you do have to admit you do go straight for the bullseye rather
} fast."
}
} "You can't blame me. Not with those..."
}
} "No, I suppose I can't....Orrie! Stop that. Orrie. Orrie....
} Orrie.... Oh, Orrieeeeeeeeeee...... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.... Oh
} dear, don't you think you ought to pull the shade."
}
} "Who cares?"
}
} "Well the neighbors might be watching."
}
} "Let them."
}
} "Now, Orrie, be nice."
}
} "I am being nice."
}
} "Well, yes you are, and, uh, oh, oh, OH! Sorry. That tickled."
}
} "I know you like it."
}
} "Yes, but I'd like it even better with aluminum siding."
}
} "What?"
}
} "Nothing............So, can I make the call?"
}
} "What call?"
}
} "To Olympus siding, Silly!"
}
} "Sure. Whatever. Hey, let's go upstairs."
}
} "Why not. I'll go warm up the vibrator. You go put the seat down."
}
} "Sure. See ya in a few..."
}
} [CURTAIN]
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