|
} This is Usenet. During the day, millions of people work here. At
} night, millions more play here. Sometimes they ask questions. That's
} where I come in. I work here. I carry a badge.
}
} DUM-DE-DUM-DUM. DUM-DE-DUM-DUM-DUMMMM.
}
} _____/\_____
} \ UNPD /
} ( _/\_ )
} ( \ / )
} ( / \ )
} \ 44-755 /
} ---- ----
} \/
}
} 10:15 pm. We work working the night shift out of the Meaning of Life
} Squad when the call came in. My Captain's T.U. Oracle. My partner's
} Bill Gannon. My name's Friday.
}
} Oracle: Joe, Bill
}
} Friday: Captain
}
} Gannon: Captain
}
} Oracle: We've got another 762
}
} Friday: 762 -- "whether i should take this job"
}
} Oracle: That's it. Here's the report. Check it out, see if we can
} help.
}
} [Friday looks at Gannon. Gannon looks at Friday. Both nod, then head
} out the door.]
}
} 11:30pm. Approaching the supplicant's house, we heard a voice through
} the front door. Although faint, it sounded like "to run, or not to
} run." When we knocked on the door, the supplicant, a Mr. C. Powell,
} answered. Although he seemed rather flustered, he let us in, leading us
} to his office. Judging from the condition of the carpet, he had been
} pacing for some hours.
}
} Powell: I'm rather surprised to see you here. I understood that the
} Oracle answered all questions by email.
}
} Friday: He does, Mr. Powell, but
}
} Powell (interrupting): General
}
} [Friday notes the four stars on each shoulder of the supplicant's
} sports shirt.]
}
} Friday: Sorry, General Powell. As I was saying, the Oracle answers all
} questions electronically, but sometimes he requires a little
} background. [Gannon is looking at a set of pictures on the wall. All
} show the General, usually with some important person.] Now, let's make
} sure of the information we have. You've recently successfully
} completed a very important job, you've been offered a new job, and you
} want to know if you should take it.
}
} Powell: That's correct. Actually I've been offered the same job
} twice.
}
} Friday: Sir?
}
} Powell: Yes. [Hands Friday two letters. Gannon reads over Friday's
} shoulder.] As you can see, a "Mr. C" and a "Mr. D" would both like me
} to work for them.
}
} Gannon: It says here that neither Mr. C nor Mr. D can offer you this
} job until next summer? And the position won't open until January 20,
} 1997? And, if you take the wrong offer, you might not have a job at
} all.
}
} Powell: That's correct.
}
} Gannon: It also says that this job would involve very little work.
}
} Powell: Yes. Mostly going to funerals and cutting ribbons, plus
} making a few speeches.
}
} Friday: So I take it that you not only want to know if you should take
} this job, but you also want to know which offer to take?
}
} Powell: Not exactly.
}
} Friday: [Glancing at Gannon] Sir?
}
} Powell: There's also this letter from "Mr. P". [Hands letter to
} Friday. Again, Gannon looks over Friday's shoulder.]
}
} Gannon: He's offering you Mr. C's current job. If you can "win" it.
}
} Powell: Yes. But there's a catch.
}
} Friday: It says here that you would have to appear on television for
} on hour every week, explaining a large number of meaningless diagrams.
}
} Powell (sighs): That's right. But otherwise, the job has more
} responsibilities, better pay, and more control than Mr. C's or Mr. D's
} position. Unless, of course, Mr. P decides to take the job himself.
}
} Friday: Well, Sir, I think we have enough information. We will file
} our report, and the Oracle should be in touch with you shortly.
}
} Powell: Do you think he can help me?
}
} Friday: Certainly, Sir. Governor Cuomo found him very helpful.
}
} [Powell, Friday, and Gannon all look at one another. Friday nods,
} almost imperceptibly. He and Gannon turn and leave the office.]
}
} DUM-DE-DUM-DUM. DUM-DE-DUM-DUM-DUMMMM.
}
} On 20 October, the Oracle, All Powerful Sage and Soothsayer in and for
} the Usenet Culture, pondered General Powell's question. His answer:
}
} } Dear General,
} }
} } Don't take any of the offers. Working with any of these clowns
} } can only hurt your reputation. Sit back, relax, and wait for
} } them to be caught with their pants down. (In "C's" case, probably
} } literally.) You will then get an offer for C's job from
} } a large group of people. In the meantime, purchase a large,
} } white stallion and learn to ride.
} }
} } You owe the Oracle an Ambassadorship to a small Caribbean country.
|
![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
