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} An Oracaular Conversation with Mr. Comma:
}
} ORACLE: Hey there, Mr. Comma, your author claims that I should ignore
} what you have to say.
}
} MR. COMMA: No, please, help me. I must give you a message. An important
} message.
}
} ORACLE: Good lord, Mr. Comma, whatever would that message be.
}
} MR. COMMA: My wife's lost her period. She's having run-on sentences,
} screaming at me without end. My captor has lost his mind. He's stealing
} all the article prefixes. He's going after the exclamation points.
} What's next? Dangling subjunctives?
}
} ORACLE: Just hold on, little buddy, I'm the Oracle, and I can help you
} out.
}
} MR COMMA: Look at I...grammar does going...Can't finish the sentence
} I've just started I'm just running on and on and on he's stealing my
} life my bare existance he issing--
}
} ORACLE: Just wait a second, Mr. Comma, wait a darned second...You just
} seem like you're overreacting a taste. I want you to slow down and
} think of all the punctuation marks you can imagine. Clear your
} mind...You are a great grammeror.
} Repeat to yourself:
}
} In a period of change, exclamation on the brain, the moon ellipses
} high, Colon-cancer gives you pain; A semi-colon is a colon with a comma
} gain; And the quest I on you're on, too--grammer on a higher plane
}
} MR. COMMA:...try...
}
} (Seconds pass)
}
} MR. COMMA: Hey. It worked. I can talk. I've regained my grammer. But
} what about my wife?
}
} ORACLE: Ha ha...she's just fine, too.
}
} MR. COMMA: Really? But how?...
}
} ORACLE: Congradulations, Mr. Comma, you're going to be a father.
}
} MR. COMMA: What?...How do you KNOW that?
}
} ORACLE: Your wife's lost her period because she's pregnant, and those
} run-on fits of rage are perfectly normal for a woman whose been knocked
} up. Your reaction was normal, as well, a post-traumatic stress fit in
} which one loses one's grasp of the primal reason to use proper English
} to convey messages of emotional impotence or trauma.
}
} MR. COMMA: Gee, thanks, Oracle, what do I owe you?
}
} ORACLE: Just name your firstborn son after me?
}
} MR. COMMA: Name him Oracle?
}
} ORACLE: No, name him by second given name, if you would, a
} configuration of letters that should fit nicely in you family scheme.
}
} MR. COMMA: What name would that be?
}
} ORACLE: Name him MNUL.
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