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} "Fractured gruntbuggly"... I like that! Who says the art of grovelling
} is dead?
}
} I must confess, however, that I have not been keeping up with the
} venues for Jerry's gigs now that he's joined the choir invisible. But
} since you asked so nicely, I'll find out for you. Going up...
}
} [ZOT]
}
} Now here's the man to tell us. Archangel Gabriel, how's tricks?
}
} "Hey! Orrie, my main man! How's it hanging, dude?"
}
} Same as ever - slightly to the left, you know. Listen, I came to ask
} about the music scene. What's going down in paradise?
}
} "You came to the right man, bro. I'm just now putting together
} tomorrow night's show. It's a screamer - it'll blow the top of your
} head clear off. Top of the bill are Deanna Durbin and Nelson Eddy."
}
} That's a bit, um, what's a polite word for it... sedate, isn't it?
} Don't you have anything lined up with a funkier beat?
}
} "Next year we're expecting Julie Andrews to croak. How's 'Climb
} Every Mountain' grab ya?"
}
} By the throat, mainly. How about electronic music?
}
} "Oh, you mean rock, soul, punk, rap, that kind of thing? Hey, that's
} the devil's music. The boss don't hold with that scene. Total
} sputum, I know, but that's how it is."
}
} So no Jim Morrison, Keith Moon, Jerry Garcia? Ever? Throughout all
} eternity?
}
} "You're hoaxing me, right? Drug overdoses and suicides? Here???"
}
} I thought you might make a special case...
}
} "Chill out, babe! And what about the audience? It's immoral and
} illegal to attend a 'Dead concert unstoned, you know that. And you
} know how the boss feels about drugs. El bummer grande, but that's
} how it is."
}
} I guess so... So it's the other place I want if I'm looking for some
} real entertainment, eh?
}
} "Hey, it ain't that bad. You wanna stick around here a while -
} things'll really be hotting up once the Osmonds start popping their
} clogs."
}
} I can hardly wait. Unfortunately, urgent business calls me elsewhere.
} Going down...
}
} [ZOT]
}
} Whew! I'm always finding unexpected side-benefits to immortality.
} Right, unbearable heat, sulfurous fumes, screams of agony - this sounds
} more promising.
}
} "Tickets, please."
}
} Ah, Mephistopheles, just the person I need. Tickets, you say? Is there
} a concert about to start?
}
} "You don't get in without a ticket, sonny."
}
} That's okay - I just want to know who's playing.
}
} "Oh, right. Well, Karl Maria von Weber is opening for Brandenburg
} Brain Death. You know them? It's a great lineup - Wolfie Mozart on
} lead, Fred Handel on bass, Joe Bach on keyboard and Louie 'Eh What's
} That You Say?' Van B on drums."
}
} But they're all classical composers! Where's the *real* dead rockers?
} Where's Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, Kurt Cobain?
}
} "Truth to tell, most of them didn't want to keep it up once they'd
} been here a while. Unremitting torment does that to people. Jimi now
} presses flowers. Janis Joplin takes aerobics classes. Keith Moon
} just sits in a corner and says 'Wibble' every once in a while."
}
} And Jerry Garcia? Don't tell me *he* lost the rhythm.
}
} "Jerry *dead*!?! When did it happen? Why wasn't I *told*?"
}
} What! You mean he's not here?
}
} "No way, man! I'd have *known*!"
}
} Curiouser and curiouser. Going up...
}
} [ZOT]
}
} Well, supplicant - this is quite baffling, and not a little disturbing.
} You see, if Jerry's not in heaven and he's not in hell, there's only
} one other place he can be. Yes, it looks like Jerry Garcia's now one of
} the hateful undead.
}
} You owe the Oracle absolution for his worst joke of the year so far.
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
