|
} Well everything's funny to *somebody*. There are people on
} the net who think the "insulting drivel" you get is the best
} laugh they've had all week. Apparently, one of the Priests
} mistakenly thought that you were one of those people. Most
} likely because you kept coming back for more.
}
} Oh, wait a minute. Here's the problem! You didn't do all
} the paperwork. All new supplicants are requested to fill in
} this form and mail it to oracle-register@cs.indiana.edu before
} requesting the Oracle's services.
}
} --------8<--Cut here-------------------------------------------
}
} THE INTERNET ORACLE
} New Supplicant Registration Form
}
} Please answer all questions fully.
}
} SECTION I - PERSONAL INFORMATION
}
} 1a. Name: _________________________________________________
}
} 1b. Nickname: _____________________________________________
}
} 1c. True Name: ____________________________________________
}
} 1d. Net Persona: __________________________________________
}
} 1e. Preferred Name: _______________________________________
}
} 2a. E-mail address: _______________________________________
}
} 2b. Sysadmin's e-mail address: ____________________________
}
} 2b. Employer's e-mail address: ____________________________
}
} 2c. Lawyer's e-mail address: ______________________________
}
} 3a. Home address: _________________________________________
}
} 3b. Home phone: ___________________________________________
}
} 3c. Work address: _________________________________________
}
} 3d. Work phone: ___________________________________________
}
} 3e. Fax: __________________________________________________
}
} 3f. Pager: ________________________________________________
}
} 4a. Driver's license number: ______________________________
}
} 4b. Social Security number: _______________________________
}
} 4c. Date of Birth: ________________________________________
}
} 4d. Place of Birth: _______________________________________
}
} 4e. Birth Certificate number: _____________________________
} (Note: non-human oviparous supplicants may indicate date
} and place laid, or date and place of hatching. Indicate
} which.)
}
} PART II - PERSONAL GOALS
}
} 1. In 25 words or less, describe what you expect to gain
} from using the Internet Oracle's services.
}
} 2. In 50 words or more, extol the praises of the Internet
} Oracle.
}
} PART III - LANGUAGE USE
}
} Indicate your level of fluency in the following languages.
}
} Key:
} 0 - What's that?
} 1 - I know all the dirty words, but that's about all.
} 2 - I can read and write slowly, and speak haltingly,
} but with a funny accent.
} 3 - I am reasonably fluent, but sometimes get caught up
} on unfamiliar idioms.
} 4 - This is my native language.
} 5 - I speak this language better than the average native.
}
} ____ French
} ____ German
} ____ Spanish
} ____ English
} ____ American
} ____ Portuguese
} ____ Dutch
} ____ Greek (modern)
} ____ Greek (classical)
} ____ Latin
} ____ Russian
} ____ Hindi
} ____ Urdu
} ____ Tamil
} ____ Fortran
} ____ Arabic
} ____ Tagalog
} ____ Esperanto
} ____ Swahili
} ____ Chinese (Mandarin)
} ____ Chinese (Cantonese)
} ____ Japanese
} ____ Korean (North)
} ____ Korean (South)
} ____ Serbo-Croatian
}
} PART IV - CHOICE OF HUMOR
}
} 1. Indicate which of the following types of humor interest
} you. Check all that apply.
}
} ____ Puns
} ____ Star Trek
} ____ Jeopardy
} ____ Babylon 5
} ____ X Files
} ____ Soap operas
} ____ Other TV
} ____ Computer geek
} ____ Computer newbie
} ____ Other computer
} ____ Top 10 lists
} ____ Sci-fi
} ____ Paradoxes
} ____ Alternate reality
} ____ Insulting drivel
} ____ Impersonations
} ____ No grovel... ZOT
} ____ Woodchucks... ZOT
} ____ I'm in a bad mood... ZOT
} ____ Lisa
} ____ Joel
} ____ Other (specify) _______________________________________
}
} 2. Indicate which of the following types of humor you find
} excruciatingly lame. Check all that apply.
}
} ____ Puns
} ____ Star Trek
} ____ Jeopardy
} ____ Babylon 5
} ____ X Files
} ____ Soap operas
} ____ Other TV
} ____ Computer geek
} ____ Computer newbie
} ____ Other computer
} ____ Top 10 lists
} ____ Sci-fi
} ____ Paradoxes
} ____ Alternate reality
} ____ Insulting drivel
} ____ Impersonations
} ____ No grovel... ZOT
} ____ Woodchucks... ZOT
} ____ I'm in a bad mood... ZOT
} ____ Lisa
} ____ Joel
} ____ Other (specify) _______________________________________
}
} PART V - METHOD OF PAYMENT
}
} 1. Circle the method you will use to pay the Oracle for
} his services. You may switch to a different method at a
} later date simply by submitting a new copy of this form.
}
} Cash Certified Check Visa Mastercard
}
} If paying by credit card, enter card number: _______________
}
} 2. What the heck, give me all your other credit card
} numbers, too.
}
} --------8<--Cut here-------------------------------------------
}
} Just fill in the form, and pop it off to the administrators.
} That should take care of all your problems.
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