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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Most wise Oracle,please tell me: which is university BEST in the world

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear Supplicant: } } The best university in the world is the University of Haight-Ashbury } which offers such courses as: } } -Qualitative and Quantitative Analysis of Belly Button Lint } -Autoerotic Technique } -Sublingual Concealment of Contraband } -Appreciation of Leather Clothing Systems } -Tatoos in Historical Context } -Maintenence of Internally Concealed Rodents } -Cloud Appreciation } -Methods of Unassisted Flight } -Public Relations in Obtaining Alternative Sources of Income }  (Panhandling) } } You owe the Oracle a date to speak at your graduation.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle whose brain we love to pick, much like the little bird > picks at the mites running across the back of the hippopotamus, > Please answer your humble servant this question: > > Why is it that after brushing your teeth, certain foods like > orange juice taste so bad?   Is this perhaps an early warning > system for your body, letting you know that these items should > never be mixed outside of a controlled environment?  Are there > any foods that should not be mixed for fear of internal damage? > > (My lunchtime is fast approaching, and I want to be sure I have nothing > potentially dangerous waiting for me, so please answer soon)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The FBI would never admit it, but mixing orange juice and toothpaste } can make a powerful explosive, especially if a good quantity of baked } beans are added.  You should be careful of other dangerous } combinations: } }   - Greek salad with Turkish Taffee } }   - Russian caviar with sashimi } }   - Corned beef with cabbage } } You owe the Oracle an Hungarian Goulash.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Will my code pass the code review?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} > #include <pasta.h> } > } > class Sauce { } > public: } >     veg Tomato; } >     veg Garlic; } >     herb Basil; } >     oil OliveOil; } } With spaghetti code like that, they're not even going to bother with a } walk-through. } } You owe the Oracle the latest update to Victual C++.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle, wise and all-powerful giver of truth, fact, and information; > bountiful source of knowledge of all things real and imagined; terrific > of personality and a really sharp dresser, please excuse this truly > insufficient grovel from your most devout worshipper and > humble-beyond-all-humility servant, and deign to answer this, my most > sincerely asked question yet: > > What toy was the song "The Marvelous Toy" about?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Definitely the Fisher-Price Castle, with the trapdoor on top that leads } into a little dungeon where you can lock up the little wooden people. } Or better yet, you tie a piece of yarn real tight around one of their } little necks, then wind it all in and out the windows and doors, and } finally down the trapdoor and into the dungeon.  Then you make like } he's walking around on top of the castle, just strolling along, not a } care in the world, then - Oh, no - you start yanking really hard on the } yarn, and he gets pulled into the castle through a window and he gets } bounced around and comes flying back in the door and rattles some more, } and then he launches out the other side (he's in little Fisher-price } wooden guy hell right about now) swings up, over the castle and gets } sucked right down the trap door into the dungeon. }  Whew!  Let's do that again!  If that's not marvelous, I don't know } what is. } } You owe the Oracle the Fisher-Price Garage, with the little cars and } the little ramp that leads up to the top.  And some golf balls.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What would be a good name for my new band? > If I dont find one by monday I'll just call myself "Orbit" to confuse > matters further.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I don't know why you're asking for MY help... you seem to have a few } good ideas there.  My favorite four from your list would be: } } "A Good Name" } "Find One by Monday" } "Confusing Matters" } "Call Myself Orbit" } } Any of those ought to work. } } You owe the Oracle an album from "Toad the Wet Sprocket."

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O Great Oracle, whose skills in any strategy game, even those you've > never played far outclass anyone who has ever played any games > anywhere, please tell me this: > > Will computers ever be better than humans at chess?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Heck, already most computers are better than most humans at chess. It } won't be long until even grandmasters are unable to beat the best } chess-playing computers. Let me just consult the schedule of future } events... } } (sound of pages flipping) } } 1997  In a historic re-match, "Deeper Blue", the updated version of } Deep Blue, wins five straight games against Garry Kasparov. During } post-game analysis, a flustered Kasparov is quoted as saying, } "Basically, it plain whupped my ass." } } 1998  Expert systems are now in common use, performing highly } complicated tasks such as stock market analysis, medical research, } real-time weather modeling, and installing Microsoft Windows. } } 2000  "High RISC" is the first computer to join a high school chess } club. Is given frequent wedgies by the cooler computers on the football } team. } } 2002  Nearly all chess games are now played by computers. Humans still } compete to see who can program the best chess-playing algorithm. } } 2003  All chess-playing algorithms are now developed by computers } themselves. } } 2008  America elects a computer for President, a massively parallel } workstation called "Fred". Although pundits originally claimed that } voters weren't ready for a robot in public office, Fred countered, } "Well, they didn't have a problem with Al Gore." } } 2017  With computers to do the thinking, most of the human population } has by now completely given up on forming complex thoughts. Across the } globe, average I.Q.s plummet. } } 2019  "Baywatch" remains the most popular television show in the world. } } You owe the Oracle Bobby Fischer's home phone number.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Venerated Oracle, who always knows what time it is, even when he's > wearing two watches: > > For a perfect cup of tea, what is the proper amount of time to allow > the teabag to steep in the hot water?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}       Ah, young seeker of Enlightenment.  Is it not written that the } first step upon the journey to true Wisdom is to ask the correct } question?  It is written, isn't it?  Because I could have sworn I read } that somewhere. }       Young eyes look, but they do not see.  Young ears hear, but they } do not listen.  Young kids ask for all kinds of toys for Christmas, but } when they get them, they never play with them. }       For it is not the tea bag which is allowed to steep in the } water.  It is the water which is allowed to surround the tea bag, } partaking of its glorious essence.  Much as the young novitiate may } absorb the wisdom of the Masters by sitting at their feet, so also the } plain and ordinary water is transformed by its proximity to the tea } bag. Notice that the young novitiate is sitting *at* the Master's feet, } not *on* the Master's feet.  It's a subtle point, but you'd be } surprised how many novitiates I get who try to sit on my feet. }       Not only is it painful for the Master, but there are some risks } for the novitiate as well.  Particularly those assigned to Master Kim. } You didn't hear this from me, but he has the most disgusting toe nail } fungus I have ever seen.  Anyway, back to the question. }       Consider the lotus blossom.  O.K.  That's enough.  We don't have } time to sit around considering lotus blossoms all day.  There's work to } be done.  Can the essence of the spiritual communion between water and } tea bag be truly quantified in limited Western units such as minutes or } seconds?  I don't know.  My assistant handles that kind of thing.  His } e-mail address is   worthless.groveling.servant@dungeon.darkest.com.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> If electronic mail is e-mail, and postal mail is snail mail, what is > fax mail?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Waste of paper-mail. } } You owe the Oracle two dead trees and a voice mail } greeting in the style of Mae West.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>    Tell me, oh well dressed, good-looking, > oracle-to-put-all-other-oracles-to-shame oracle,  how did you become > the oracle?  Were you born with these special powers, or did even a > higher being incarnate you into this exalted position?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Higher power?  HIGHER POWER????  There IS no higher power!!!  I } am the highest power in the universe!  I control all I survey!!  There } is nothing that can stand before me without cowering in utter despair! } I am the best, most omnipotent, most }     ****ZOT!!**** } .. What the hell was that?? } } .. What? } } .. Oh come on, not now. } } .. But -- } } .. But -- } } .. But, PLEASE? } } .. I don't wanna come in.  I don't, I don't I don't.  I'm not hungry } right now, and I'm not done playing with my supplicants. } } .. Aw, come on. } } .. Aw, MOM!!... } } Sorry, supplicant, but Mom says I gotta come in now.  Ask me again } tomorrow. } } You owe the Oracle a tree house.  With a night light.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O Oracle, wiser and more mighty than the Holy Mackerel, to whom all > mackerel must bow down; faster and more powerful than the Koala of > Doom, before whom all marsupials tremble; nobler and prouder than the > Great Pelican, besides whom albatrosses are as gnats, hear my plea... > > Why does my cat occasionally climb up the corner of the room and cling > just below the ceiling?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I'm afraid your cat is a little unbalanced.  That's unbalanced as in } mentally ill.  He's suffering from a rare form of feline schizophrenia, } and he has delusions that he's a spider.  You may also have noticed } him catching moths and eating them - it's all tied together. } } You should take your cat to the vet.  There are a variety of } antipsychotic medications which can be prescribed for this condition. } Catching the cat may be a little tricky, but you can make the job } easier by turning on the air conditioning.  As the room cools down, } the cat (thinking that he's a spider and therefore cold-blooded) } will become torpid.  On no account should you swat him with a } rolled-up newspaper.  This would be terribly traumatic, and he might } never recover. } } You owe the Oracle some No-Pet Strips.