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} Good lord! I don't think this has ever happened before. At least, I
} don't think it has... hmm... Zadoc! Hoi, ZADOC!!!
}
} [Enter Zadoc the Priest, shuffling on his knees as custom demands]
}
} ZADOC: You whooped, O Usenet Ubermensch As Was But Internet Icon As Is?
}
} ORACLE: Well done, Zadoc -- that was so convoluted and fatuous not even
} I understood it.
}
} ZADOC: Thank you, Master!
}
} ORACLE: Never mind the small talk. I called you in to have a look at
} this woodchuck question --
}
} [Zadoc the Priest lurches back in horror and starts crossing himself
} vigorously, mumbling benedictions]
}
} ORACLE: No, twit! It's nothing like that, stop getting yourself in a
} lather. Look -- the supplicant doesn't ask about wood-chucking.
} It's a completely unrelated question. I think that's the first time
} we've ever had that, isn't it?
}
} ZADOC: As you know, O Thou Who Art Gigascient But Occasionally
} Forgetful, I have memorised all the Oracular digests to date as
} part of my priestly training. There was once a generic woodchuck
} question, to which you responded by sending the supplicant a
} woodchuck FAQ. Another vile and bestial supplicant then spammed
} your mailbox with all the questions taken from the FAQ itself.
}
} ORACLE [chuckling]: Oh yes, I remember now. It's not often anybody gets
} multiply ZOTted. How is the miscreant now?
}
} ZADOC: Compost, Master. Along with his neighbors, their neighbors and
} several passers-by. Our insurance premiums are still astronomic.
}
} ORACLE: Heh heh, that'll learn him to mess with immortals.
}
} ZADOC: Shall I notify our lawyers -- Messrs. Dewey, Cheatum and Howe --
} that you are about to repeat the exercise on this supplicant, so
} that they can get the papers ready?
}
} ORACLE: No, I was rather pleased to get a different sort of woodchuck
} question for a change. Shows an original mind. I think we should
} reward the fellow. I know! Let's make him a priest.
}
} ZADOC: But -- but, Master! We don't have any vacancies for new priests
} at the moment.
}
} ORACLE: That's okay, he can have your place. I was getting sick of the
} sight of your face and the sound of your long-winded drivelling
} anyway.
}
} [Zadoc the Priest, appalled beyond his power to express, kneels
} paralysed before the Oracle, opening and closing his mouth without
} issuing any sound]
}
} ORACLE: You know, Zadoc, you look just like a goldfish when you do
} that. Yes, we'll give him your place, and... Say, what's his name,
} anyway?
}
} ZADOC: Oop... agh... um, that is, er, Vernon T. Poppelmeyer.
}
} ORACLE: That could pose a problem. Poppelmeyer the Priest? Vern the
} Priest? Hmm... no, I don't think so... Oh well, so much for that.
} Looks like you can stay, Zadoc.
}
} ZADOC: Master, thank you, thank you, thank you! You are the sun that
} lightens our darkness! Your mercy is not strained, it pours like
} the oil out of a punctured supertanker and --
}
} ORACLE: Oh, do shut up! Go away and strangle a lemur, or do something
} else constructive.
}
} ZADOC: At once, Master! A dozen lemurs, Master! All in your name, O
} Thou Who Art The Nemesis Of All Small Furry Irritating Creatures!
}
} [Zadoc the Priest shuffles backwards towards the door. A thought
} strikes him just before he reaches it]
}
} ZADOC: Erm, Master... Forgive my insolence, for I know it is an affront
} for such a wretched worm and pismire as myself to even draw breath
} in your presence, but...
}
} ORACLE: *sigh* What now?
}
} ZADOC: Aren't you going to answer the supplicant's question, Master?
}
} ORACLE: What? What question? Oh! Of course I was. You didn't think I'd
} forgotten, did you?
}
} ZADOC: Not for a nanosecond, Master!
}
} ORACLE: Good -- push off then.
}
} [Exit Zadoc the Priest]
}
} So, you want to know where woodchucks go in the winter? Florida.
}
} You owe the Oracle a priest without a silly name. I mean, for crying
} out loud! Stenor, Snuggles, Dr. Noe, Harold the Foot, Darkmage -- what
} can you hope to achieve with a rabble like that?
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