} If you return the winning number before the end of time, we'll say:
} "JOE SUPPLICANT, YOU'VE WON THE REWARD OF LIFE!!!!"
} Yes, that's right, Joe Supplicant, the Reward of Life is yours if you
} have and return the winning number before the end of the world. But be
} sure to act now, because if you wait until the afterlife to return your
} winning number, it'll be too late! When the end of time comes, if we
} don't have YOUR winning number, we'll draw another one and give the
} Reward of Life to somebody else! Then we'll call you on the phone and
} TELL you that you lost and make you, Joe Supplicant, feel like a moron
} for the rest of eternity!
} And you have another chance to win, Joe Supplicant! If you send your
} entry in before the end of the millenium, you will have a SECOND CHANCE
} TO WIN! Yes, you're reading correctly! Just affix the enclosed Bonus
} Sticker to your entry form and make sure it's postmarked before January
} 1, 2001, and YOUR CHANCES OF WINNING WILL BE DOUBLED! Yes, that's
} right, DOUBLE THE CHANCE TO WIN THE REWARD OF LIFE!
} What, you ask, is so great about this Reward of Life anyway? Joe
} Supplicant, the Reward of Life is a product of Grand Unified
} Industries, Inc. and is widely known as one of the most diverse and
} functional set of biochemical reactions in the universe. Here's just a
} few of the features of the Reward of Life you will be receiving when
} you return the winning number:
} - Deoxyribonucleic Acid based Heredity Functions
} - The complete set of Higher Consciousness and Self-Awareness options
} - A fully functional Bipedal Locomotion option
} - Two five-digit Environmental Manipulater Units with one Opposable
} Thumb each
} - A complete set of Emotions and Feelings, including angst, anger,
} happiness, sadness, jealousy, lust, contentment, revenge --
} Everything you expect in a higher life form! We'll even include
} Love and Hate!
} But remember, Joe Supplicant, if you don't return the winning number on
} time, WE'LL GIVE THE REWARD OF LIFE TO SOMEBODY ELSE, and then MAKE YOU
} FEEL LIKE A COMPLETE MORON FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!
} As if all this weren't a great offer, we're also including a huge array
} of inexpensive magazine subscriptions that we know you'll be interested
} in! Just affix the appropriate stamps to your entry form, and you'll
} start receiving your new subscriptions next month! No need to send
} money, you'll be billed later!
} So send in your winning number now, Joe Supplicant, and don't miss your
} chance to win the Reward of Life. And remember, if you reply before
} January 1, 2001, you'll have DOUBLE the chance to win!
} S. Being
} President of Everything
} PS: You owe the Oracle a plate of Angry Chicken and the odds of