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} Ok, if you really want to know...
}
} Darth Vader is Luke's father. The woman in the "Crying Game" is
} really a man. Ole Yeller dies. In "Murder on the Orient Express"
} they all did it. Captain Kirk isn't really dead, he's in the
} Nexus; but then he dies for real later. On July 4th, we killed all
} the aliens by giving them a computer virus which took down their
} shields. Verbal is Kaiser Solteh. The North wins. The Nazi's lose.
} Tom Cruise screws over the firm and gets away. Jeff Bridges did
} kill his wife in "Jagged Edge". Galron is a shapeshifter imposter.
} Fortran really is dead. Harrison Ford always, always saves the day.
} In "Crimson Tide", Denzel Washington is right. Jim Phelps is the
} one who betrays the Impossible Mission team. All of the "Reservoir
} Dogs" die. Robert Redford hits a game-winning homer at the end of
} "The Natural". James Bond gets the girl. Lestat isn't really dead.
} Leia is Luke's sister. Henry V wins, but barely. Cousin Vinny gets
} the "two yutes" off, but only after Marisa Tomei's expert testimony.
} Richard Gear end up with the slut in "Pretty Woman". Spock dies,
} then comes back to life on a planet where Kirk's son gets killed,
} and proceeds to help save the whales and earth by travelling back and
} forth in time in a Klingon ship, but doesn't get demoted for stealing
} the Enterprise because he wasn't there, he was dead. ET goes home.
} In "Blade Runner" Rachael is a replicant -- some think that Deckard
} may be too. Mel Gibson dies at the end of "Braveheart", but the
} future queen is pregnant with his kid. Sean Penn did do it in "Dead
} Man Walking". The Wizard of Oz is really a short, fat, bald man.
} Nicolas Cage dies at the end of "Leaving Las Vegas". In "Field of
} Dreams" "He" is Costner's father. Mr. Holland's former students play
} his opus in the end -- the redhead becomes governor. The Apollo 13
} crew makes it back safely. Barnabus is a vampire. Al Pacino shoots
} and kills Robert DeNiro. In "Speed" there is a videocamera on the
} bus and a hole under the trash can. OJ did it. Harry marries Sally.
} To get to the other side. The prisoner is Pip's benefactor. Romeo and
} Juliet kill themselves. Either a newspaper or a half-eaten zebra.
} Sue Ellen's sister shot J.R. Maggie shot Mr. Burns (not on purpose).
} Bobby's death was just a dream (Pam's). The HAL9000 computer goes
} homicidal, but it isn't his fault. (Incidentally, the letters
} followng HAL are IBM.) There is always someone in the back seat.
} Jack gets old and dies. In "Terms of Endearment" Debra Winger gets
} cancer and dies. Bill Clinton wears briefs. Rosebud is the sled.
}
} Finally, because Lisa and I had a fight and I'm in a bad mood, and
} you really did ask.
}
} You owe the oracle a lifetime of free video rentals and a videocassette
} rewinder.
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