| } Hmmm...ok one of the Better Grovels We have seen this year...(kicks} Staff of ZOT under the magazine rack )...err...Lisa?!!!
 }
 } LISAAA!!!......hooooneeee??
 }
 } Lisa: (from the next room) Yes Orrie Dear?
 }
 } Orrie:" Er, could you tell me why you hog the bathroom for 4 hours just
 } before we have to either go out, OR go to sleep at night?"
 }
 } Lisa: " What???"
 }
 } Orrie: (pitching voice to carry two rooms over) "Aww honey, I just
 } wanna know why you spend so much time getting ready to look xtra
 } gorgeous ALL the time? Oh yeah, and why you always wear the see-thru,
 } tan-thru spandex jumpsuit EVERY time we go skiing?"
 }
 } "...err I gotta supplicant on the line here..."(dribbling off
 } ashamedly)"
 }
 } Lisa pads barefoot into TV lounge where Orrie sits.  She is wearing one
 } of Orrie's old T shirts that says Hard Rock Cafe-Asgard/Mt. Olympus.
 } The shirt is smeared with green splatters of a substance that is mashed
 } on to her face, making her look like a diminutive version of The
 } Incredible Hulk.
 }
 } Lisa's hair is in rollers, and she is holding a bottle of Generic Brand
 } Xtra Strength Creme Hair Bleach.  She is wearing faded pink leggings
 } that are pushed up to her knees, and the calves of her legs are covered
 } in shaving cream.
 }
 } Upon seeing his lady love thus arrayed, The Great Oracle temporarily
 } forgets where he is, pushes his armchair as far away from the
 } apparition as it will roll, stands, and snatches up the Staff of ZOT.
 } Its familiar fingergrips and the smell of slightly charred suppplicant
 } bring The Great Oracle back to himself.
 }
 } Lisa: (scowling, so the green face mask cracks in several most
 } unattractive places)
 }
 }  "You mean LIKE THIS???"  It takes me 2 hours just to get this crud ON
 } and another 2 hours to chisel it off....and YOU're asking me WHY I do
 } it???
 } AND, You're going to tell a SUPPLICANT my (no, take that back) MY
 } personal BEAUTY secrets??  You've got a LOT of NERVE!
 } Maybe, just maybe I shouldn't bother to take this crud OFF next time we
 } go on a date.  THAT way, YOU can have an extra 2 hours in the bathroom
 } instead of me!!!!!!!"
 }
 } Lisa pushes her furious, mud-bedaubed face up to The Great Oracle.  She
 } grabs the Staff of ZOT from his nerveless fingers with one hand, and
 } uses the other hand (sporting four inch nails painted black) to shove
 } The Great Oracle back into his armchair.
 }
 } Lisa aims the Staff at The Great Oracle and pushes the first button her
 } fingers land on.
 }
 } ********zotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzot*******
 } ********zotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzotzot*******
 }
 } Orrie: "AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!NOT the Rapid Fire Mode!!!!  LISA!!!"
 }
 } The Great Oracle manages to cower behind his armchair, temporarily out
 } of range of the blinding flares of the Staff's discharges.  Not
 } surprisingly, Zadoc apologetically moves over to make room for him.
 }
 } Zadoc: "Master, if Thou Wishes, I can absorb the Punishment that she is
 } dishing out, IF you cut me a break next time around..???"
 }
 } The Great Oracle is too absorbed in examining his shredded clothing and
 } scorched areas of his persona and doesn't hear Zadoc's whiny offering.
 }
 } Lisa drops the Staff of ZOT, kicks it under the TV, and folds her arms.
 } Most of her curlers have come unrolled and slimy strands of long,
 } bleached ash blond hair, its color hardly visible under blue sticky
 } gunk, is smearing blue tattoos on to the back of the T Shirt, obscuring
 } the "Bullfinches Not Served Here" logo.
 }
 } Lisa: "And, I thought you LIKED it when I got a full body tan in
 } winter...you never think that I might be freezing to death in those
 } outfits....(squeezes out a sob)...I just wanted to be PERFECT for
 } youuuuuuuuu..."
 }
 } On this final wailing note, Lisa runs from the room.  The sound of two
 } or three doors slamming echoes her progress.
 }
 } The Great Oracle and Zadoc look at each other.
 }
 } Zadoc: "Master....I offer my humble self to be ZOTTed in retribution for
 } the indignity heaped upon Your Wondrous Person...."
 }
 } The Great Oracle: "Okay, put yourself down for a double portion of ZOT,
 } next time the opportunity presents itself.  I'm a little ragged right
 } now."
 } " ..errm.... hope you don't mind?"
 }
 } Zadoc: (relieved) "Don't mention it"
 }
 } You owe The Great Oracle the following items:
 }
 } Body armor
 } A second bathroom
 } The Avon Lady
 } A separate armchair for Zadoc to cower behind next time
 } A new Staff of ZOT with a single user license, and individual password.
 |