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} Because its girlfriend just left it.
} It doesn't want to confuse you.
} Because you're not a chimpanzee.
} Because OD'ing on NoDoz would kill him.
} Because paying for Some Real Sex amounts to prostitution, which is
} illegal.
} Wouldn't you like to know?
} Nope, sorry.
} Only you can prove your life--look up Descartes.
} In honor of their greatest hero, Roger Ramjet.
} Simple pleasures for simple minds.
} No, but you _could_ start running west, really, really fast.
} By flapping their arms and thinking of Victoria Principal's little
} sister, Bernoulli.
} If you wore pants that tight, you'd fly too.
} It wouldn't matter what you called it, it wouldn't come.
} It's sort of like a doorway, but it's not.
} Sure! Give it a try!
} On its little legs.
} No, but it can be freight trained.
} It's called "creative casting."
} No, he isn't.
} They used Acme Instant Pyramid (just add water).
} Yeah, Jose and Enrico helped them.
} Sure, East Los Angeles is FULL of them.
} Yes, it is.
} That "THE TRUTH" is a figment of a writer's imagination--shh, it's a
} secret.
} When you get this reply from Me.
} Not soon enough, that much is certain.
} It's genetic.
} See above; it has to do with inbreeding.
} Flossing is the answer.
} Me, the Internet Oracle.
} A thunderbolt.
} You're sitting on the spot marked "X."
} Immediately.
} Because I'm annoyed.
} At the speed of light.
} Until nothing remains.
} Two cords an hour until I <ZOT!> both of you.
} This question is the offspring of a demon and a woodchuck.
} So is this one; you need an exorcism, quickly.
} Bribe the kid who keeps the records.
} By turning off your computer.
} By showing you just how many Big Macs to make when you have to make
} three orders at once.
} Sure I will.
} Z, O, T.
} I get Zeus to do that magic stuff for me--he's more flashy than I am.
} Me, Lisa, Zadoc, Darkmage, Zeus, Kirsten Chevalier; guest-starring Joel
} Furr as "Lemur Boy," and Joann Worley as AOLisa.
} Nope. Sad, isn't it?
} It's sort of a horseshoe shape.
} Yes; it's twice as easy, in fact.
} Definitely.
} Not if I can <ZOT!> you first.
} Away from that computer, I hope.
} Look around you.
} He was Emperor of France and Protector of Mexico in the 1870s, until he
} made the mistake of declaring war on Prussia.
} When he got deposed, he was.
} I'd have to say, yes.
} Not yet, but I'm getting there.
} No, I'm not R. U. Sirius.
} C3PO.
} No, I don't see any puppies.
} Yes, I'd answer your questions.
}
} You owe the Oracle a list of reasons _not_ to <ZOT!> you.
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
