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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>     How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hey, I remember you!  You're the supplicant who asked what color } Smurfs turn when you choke them! } } You're the one who asked why kamakazi pilots wear helmets! } } You asked me the one about... } } Hey!!!  You asked me every single darned question from } http://www.concentric.net/~sriramch/deep.htm !!!  No wonder I've been } so busy! } } I'll answer them all at once and get it out of the way. } } >If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter? } >If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? } >If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box? } >When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose? } >Why do they put braille on the number pads of drive-through bank } >   machines? } >How did a fool and his money GET together? } >If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan? } >How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? } >If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? } >What's another word for thesaurus? } >Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? } >What do they use to ship styrofoam? } >Why is abbreviation such a long word? } >Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container? } >Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? } >How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? } >Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? } >Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet? } >When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? } >Does fuzzy logic tickle? } >Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs? } >Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special } >  Olympics? } >Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? } >Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? } >If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? } >What was the best thing before sliced bread? } } Technically, yes.  Factories.  Friction.  No.  They don't manufacture } special ATM buttons WITHOUT braille keys for drive-through use just } to make you happy. } } Generally, fools work; some win lotteries.  Not difficult at all. } } They don't.  We can't.  There isn't. } } Dumb laws.  Boxes.  Blame the Latin root word brevis which means } short. } } Because it goes bad.  Tradition.  When it sounds out of tune. } } No.  No.  You can't.  No.  No.  No. } } Because of the many parts inside the first ones.  That's a myth.  If } you want to lessen your chances of being caught. } } Me. } } As payment, you must write "From now on I will make up my own } questions for the Oracle" 100 times on the chalkboard.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> To:   Internet Oracle > From: Undersecretary to William Cohen; Department of Defense > RE:   United States Security > > Dear Mr. Oracle: > > It has come to the attention of Secretary Cohen and myself that you > possess a weapon of mass destruction known as the "ZOT Staff."  We feel > that no foreign entity should have such power and destructive > capabilities, and we therefore ask that you turn this device over to > the United States immediately.  Should you not comply, we will be > forced to send in UN Peace Keeping Forces to forcibly retrieve this Zot > Staff from you. > > If necessary, we will remove your Most Favorite Deity status, thus > making trade and commerce with you impossible.  We will not go into the > back taxes owed on the many items you have received in payment for your > advice. > > Please see to the Zot Staff situation within 72 hours.  Your > cooperation is appreciated. > > Sincerely, > Joseph Schmoozeldorf > Undersecretary, United States Department of Defense

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Let me get this straight. } } You say that I'm a foreign entity that posesses an item your country } says I'm not allowed to have, and that you will punish this entity } with back taxes? } } Even if we ignore the glaring flaw of logic here, you still can't } touch me. } } Look back in the old presidental records and examine Executive Order } #2281.  Yes, thanks to the Reagan era and Nancy's dependancy on me, I } got this neat little provision in U.S. law drafted for me. } } Basically, it "exempts all omniscient beings from the jurisdiction of } all Federal departments and entities..."  I don't want to bore you } with the details.  Suffice it to say that you should never contact me } again, lest you wish to be zotted yourself. } } Oracle

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O beloved Oracle, who never runs out things to say, I have noticed that > there seems to be a great deal of monk-bashing in this forum. What's > wrong with being a Trappist monk?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} There's nothing wrong with being a Trappist monk, but they don't have } very good PR.  What they need is a jingle.  Fortunately we just happen } to have one for them here. } } Monks are great! Monks are good! } Monks are the coolest in the neighborhood! } } They may seem stiff, or rather weird } But when they're alone, and no one's near } Behind closed doors, they shake their bods! } These guys get down!  They groove on God! } } Monks are cool!  Monks are hip! } Monks won't give you any lip! } } They don't drink booze, or sing the blues } but they shave their hair into freaky do's! } When you're down, or in a funk, } try chilling with a Trappist Monk! } } Monks are wild!  Monks are neat! } Monks wear sandals on their feet! } } They love to pray, they wear brown robes } You can find them all over the globe! } Here's the proof that Monks are fun: } That jazz guy named himself after one! } } Monks are boss!  Monks say vespers! } Monks are better than court jesters! } } Here's the best part of this tale: } A monk can bail you out of jail } So when things go bad, and you think you're sunk } Make your one phone call to a monk! } } Monks are great!  Monks are good! } Monks are the coolest in the neighborhood! } } you owe the Oracle a quarter.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise, whose limitless power and personal charismatic > charm can slice through even the most tangled bureaucratic red tape, > tell me... > > Ok, so I bought a car in California back in 1989.  A couple of years > later, I moved to Texas.  A couple of years after that, I paid off > the car and the financing company sent me a pink slip for this car -- > all nicely initialed and signed over to me.  I was happy. > > This year, I moved to Missouri.  I went to the Missouri equivalent > of the DMV and said "I would like to register my car, please." > > They looked at all the paperwork I'd assembled - and said, "But you > don't have a Texas title."  I said, sure I do -- look!" and pointed at > the paper Texas sent me.  They said, "But that's orange and not green. > Orange means the car is not paid for."  I said, "But it says "Title" on > it, and besides this other piece of paper from California says that I > own it.  Look!  I even have the Bill of Sale from the finance company." > > They shuffled the papers around and asked each other a lot of > questions, confusing the issue further and further.  Finally, > one of them says, "We're sorry, but you cannot register your car > in Missouri.  You'll have to go back to California.  Or maybe Texas. > We're not sure.  But you will never be able to register your car here > without a valid title." > > I said, "Look!  See this pink piece of paper that says, "Certificate of > Title" on it??  That is a valid Title from the State of California!" > They said, "But it shows a lienholder name on it."  I exclaimed, > "But look!  It says right here on this pink piece of paper that if > it is initialed by the lienholder, the lien has been removed." > > They didn't care.  They just kept telling me to go back to California. > Or maybe Texas.  They weren't sure. > > I beg of you, dear Oracle.  What can I do to convince these morons that > a Bill of Sale and a Certificate of Title really do mean I own my car?! > > If you can't answer the above (I'm not sure there IS an answer, > to bureaucracy run amok), I beg of you to tell me -- what's the job > market like in California... or Texas?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, supplicant, your problem is complicated enough that I think } we need to discuss it face to face.  Let me explain the procedure } for getting a personal audience with Me.  You'll need to obtain } a Supplicant's Special Invitation, which authorizes admission and } divulges the location of my Secret Palace. }  This Supplicant's Special Invitation can only be obtained from } a certain staff member at Indiana University, the identity of whom, I } cannot divulge.  To learn the identity of this staff member, you must } obtain a Blue Slip, which can only be obtained from the token booth } at the Times Square subway station in New York.  The salesperson in } that token booth will only give you the Blue Slip, however, if you } present him or her with the Big Nasty Form, which you need to have } filled out beforehand.  However, the Big Nasty Form is only available } at any of the commuter train ticket windows at 30th Street Station } in Philadelphia.  The salespeople at these ticket windows will only } give you the Big Nasty Form if you provide them with the Authorized } Supplicant's Password.  For security reasons, I cannot send you the } Authorized Supplicant's password through e-mail.  You must obtain it } from me in person.  In order to speak to me in person, you'll need } to obtain a Supplicant's Special Invitation ...

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O Oracle most wise and understanding, please tell me, > > I'm moving my company to another town and I have a bunch of stuff left > over that I don't want to bother to move. Specifically, I have a > nearly-full 55-gallon drum of polyvinyl acetate that weights well over > 500 pounds. How do I get rid of this stuff?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}                             The Internet Oracle } }                               p r e s e n t s } }                   101 Uses for a Drum of Polyvinyl Acetate } }    1. Dress it in an XXLarge tux, invite it to your wedding. }    2. See how many library books you can secretly glue shut. }    3. Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! }    4. Sell it to local burger restaurant as "even-more-secret sauce". }    5. Insert a 2x4, harden the resin, remove the drum. Giant lollipop! }    6. Paint polyvinyl acetate over the lines on the freeway. }    7. Start your own ad campaign: "Got polyvinyl acetate?" }    8. Send it to Cindy Crawford as a token of your affection. }    9. Bang the drum slowly. Make a film with Robert De Niro. }   10. Put it on the freeway, with a "DETOUR <====>" sign on it. }   11. Pack it to the top of K2 or Everest, watch it roll. }   12. Handy for long-term storage of pesky neighbor children. }   13. (Not recommended for time spans of less than 75 years.) }   14. Market it as "clear gravy": No additives, no calories. (SNL) }   15. Leave it by the curb. See whether the garbage-men take it. }   16. Put it into tiny bottles, sell it as "miracle glue" for $5 each. }   17. It's good for bonding wood. Glue your neighbor's door shut. }   18. Don't forget the windows, too. Pour the rest down the chimney. }   19. Fill your rental car with polyvinyl acetate, ask for a refund. }   20. Sink it in the municipal pool at midnight. }   21. Take it to Congress, get Sonny Bono to vote against homopolymers. }   22. Stand in the drum until it hardens. Sue the Oracle for millions. }   23. Take it on vacation, let it ride the waterslide. }   24. Use it to fill your old pantyhose and tuna cans. }   25. Sneak it into a movie. (It wants to see Contact.) }   26. Buy it popcorn, a large cola, and a box of Junior Mints. }   27. Inject it into hams as a preservative. }   28. See whether it works as a denture adhesive for Grandma. }   29. Drop it into Crater Lake. Claim you were in Maine at the time. }   30. Swear to the Senate that polyvinyl acetate never existed. }   31. Use it to coat the interstate freeway. }   32. Buy a sub-zero freezer. Pop it in. }   33. Hide it in a Florida houseboat, tell the FBI, ask for a reward. }   34. Read it the story of Br'er Rabbit and the tarbaby. }   35. Polyvinyl acetate + dozen eggs + microwave oven. Pop! Pop! }   36. Ask Joan Baez to write a song about polyvinyl acetate. }   37. Wait for winter, hide it inside a snowman. }   38. Sing "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" to it. Try to sing sincerely. }   39. Polyvinyl acetate: It's not just for breakfast anymore! }   40. Wondering whether this is the "year-old-tuna" incarnation? }   41. Put polyvinyl acetate, one drop at a time, into Lake Michigan. }   42. Yes, it's me again. I like this better than pantyhose, though. }   43. Drop it from a plane. See whether you can hit Tabitha Soren. }   44. Hey! Don't drop the drum, just its contents! }   45. Buy it a Tamagotchi. }   46. Take it for a test drive in a new car. (Love that smell!) }   47. Use polyvinyl acetate on bananas for that "wax fruit" look. }   48. Glue shut the last seven pages of anything by Agatha Christie. }   49. A cupful by the side of the bed is handy for curing snoring. }   50. Make sure it's on _your_ side of the bed, though. }   51. Take it to Uzbekistan, sell it as "thick vodka". Leave quickly. }   52. Wrap the drum in a big red bow. }   53. Put it in old "Grecian Formula" bottles. }   55. Take it back to Calvert City, it's homesick. }   54. Invent a stapler which uses polyvinyl acetate to glue the paper. }   56. Don't forget to pay royalties to the Oracle on your invention. }   57. Dip a rental video. "It won't rewind. I want a refund." }   58. Good for cleaning contact lenses. About 7.6e7 of them. }   59. Get a scuba tank, sing karaoke from the bottom of the drum. }   60. You'll sound like Randy Newman, and you'll look like him too. }   61. Ask a priest to bless it so you'll have "holy polyvinyl acetate". }   62. I got 54 and 55 in the wrong order on purpose, I hope you know. }   63. Build a ten-story-tall toilet, and flush the drum away. }   64. Dance around the drum, chanting "Me want-a you, baby". }   65. Sell polyvinyl acetate as "paint-on swimsuit for supermodels". }   66. Get Bill Gates to invest in polyvinyl acetate. }   67. Lynda Barry is the queen of funkytown. }   68. Use polyvinyl acetate to make a new color for M&M's }   69. Claim that it was left to you by aliens from planet Wotan. }   70. Ask UUnet what to do with it. }   71. Don't you think this whole "101-uses" genre is about used up? }   72. Make the drum into a tall round custom mouse pad. }   73. POLYVINYL could be worth up to 216 points in Scrabble. }   74. Paint the drum blue. Label it "US MAIL". Leave it on the corner. }   75. Use polyvinyl acetate to starch your sweetie's undies. }   76. Prepare for the 2000 Olympics. Win the silver in drum-tossing. }   77. Think Super Soaker. 'Nuff said. }   78. After this one, I've only got twenty-three more to go. }   79. Coat the tips of the your buddy's pens and pencils. }   80. Use the empty drum as a really big rain gauge. }   81. Give it to your favorite Aquarius. }   82. Paint the drum red-orange. Disguise it as a fire hydrant. }   83. There's nothing like a quart of polyvinyl acetate on a hot day. }   84. File it under S for Sticky. }   85. Make paper dolls out of the MSDS pages. Teach them to dance. }   86. Buy the drum a subscription to "Soldier of Fortune". }   87. Sell it to the Mafia. "Polyvinyl acetate overshoes". }   88. Target practice. }   89. Investigate the drum for "60 Minutes" or "Dateline". }   90. See how many teenagers will try sniffing polyvinyl acetate. }   91. It's a floor wax _and_ a dessert topping. (SNL) }   92. Light bulbs filled with polyvinyl acetate never burn out. }   93. Run your car on polyvinyl acetate. 3 miles to the gallon! }   94. Boil it at a luau, cook a pig inside. Extract it with a hammer. }   95. Drop Tabitha Soren from a plane, see if you can hit the drum. }   96. Save the drum. Collect the whole set! }   97. A little on the favorite's horseshoes, and the long shot can win. }   98. Use it as the star of a monster movie: "Drum of Doom". }   99. Store Candice Bergen's dimes in the drum. }  100. Tell the kids that's it's the toy from the happy meal. }  101. Name the drum "Employee of the Month". Give it the parking space. } } You owe the Oracle an XXLarge tux, and an invitation to your wedding.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear Oracle, whose ZOTting knows no bounds... > > In a previous answer, you mentioned the center of the Universe was > (0,0).   How is that possible we live in a three-dimensional world > (four if you include time, five if you include tesseracts)?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ahhh, you wish to learn the concept of virtual paging.  The universe } was, in fact, designed two-dimensionally, and as features were added } we chose to maintain backward compatibility with the older } two-dimensional version, known as Conventional Galactic Addressing } (CGA).  Later we added the third dimension simply by creating } infinite layers of virtual CGA spaces in an array, so that when an } object moves along the Z axis, each virtual CGA address is swapped in } and out to the original CGA as needed.  This is the Enhanced Galactic } Addressing (EGA), but it was quickly superseded by the Virtual } Galactic Array when we implemented time.  This is where it gets } tricky.  See, there isn't really enough core memory to support an } infinite fourth-dimensional array of EGA space, so we swap out EGA } space to virtual memory around some of the power generators scattered } through space - perceived by your astronomers as stars.  To conserve } virtual space, we compress the data as it gets swapped out to virtual } storage.  This has some peculiar side effects:  The faster you } travel, the faster those virtual EGA pages have to be swapped in and } out; as you approach the speed of light, some of the third-dimension } arrays of two-dimension space get dropped, the result being that from } the traveller's point of view, surrounding space moves abnormally } fast, while from the observer's point of view, the travelling object } seems to go into a state of suspended animation.  All too often the } swap space exceeds storage capacity, resulting in what you perceive } as a black hole, and then all space-time gets twisted beyond } recognition. } } Currently we are experimenting with additional dimensions, but so far } the Subspace Virtual Galactic Arrays have caused more problems than } they have solved. } } You owe the Oracle a 1280x1024x32768x65536 monitor.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh, Oracle most wise, would you please tell this poor, pitiful > suplicant who can hardly remember how to integrate (let alone > differentiate) without his TI-92 or how to tie his shoes (Velro Rules!) > what are the official top 26 uses for an old 8088 based toteable > computer with a 13 line LCD display and no hard drive? > > Respectfully, > > Seemore Zotsclose

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} 1. You can go to the store and say "You think this is a pentium? What a } ripoff!!" and hope for a refund. } 2. You can plug it into your pentium, to do the divide } operation(correctly) } 3. You can plug the keyboard to COM1, the display to the altrnative } display, write a device driver for linux to treat it as a file and } voila! another window. } 4. You can take the chips out, and give it to various girlfriends, } claiming "it is a modern art pin" (implied "which cost me a fortune, so } you can have sex with me now!) } 5. You can take the chips out, and market them as collector's items. } 6. You can take the keyboard, pretend to type on it when there's no } computer around, and start marketing "The in-body computer, which can } link up with an external keyboard". } 7. You can use the keyboard keys for spares. } 8. You can hope there will be a nuclear war, with no computers } surviving but yours, at which time it will be the best computer around. } 9. You can put a hard-drive in it, and read the famous article "100 } uses for a .... with a hard-drive" } 10. You can hack into the pentagon, but the Oracle will not explain } how. } 11. You can use it for a very gadgety calculator, which will also } "beep" after giving you an answer, impressing everybody around. } 12. You can take apart the LCD display, and then try to put it back } together. } 13. You can void the warranty. } 14. You can insure it as a "High-tech, modern calculating equipment" } and then throw it off a cliff. } 15. You can pretend to connect to the WWW with it, and remark on how } quickly it loads all those GIF heavy sites... } 16. You can try to get the micro-chips to buzz and warm. } 17. You can heat the display enough so you can cook on it. } 18. You can try to paint individual pixels on the display, as an } aim-improving excercise. } 19. You can run WIN95 on it, and see how it turns it into an even more } useless thing. } 20. You can comb your hair with the micro-chips. } 21. You can sacrifice it to the ancients, so they will keep your } current computer going. } 22. You can sacrifice it to Bill Gates, to keep your windows(tm) going. } 23. Whenever your current computer makes a mistake, you can bash the } life out of it. } 24. Whenever _you_ make a programming mistake, you can also bash the } life out of it. } 25. You can try to make it play music with it's floppy drive. } 26. You can write a stupid text file, called "26 Things to do with your } 8088". } } You owe the oracle a brand new MMX } } Posing as the Oracle - } MZ

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> tell me : Why does it allways rain on a day off from work ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It doesn't... for anyone else. This only happens to you. Whenever } anyone else takes a vacation day, it's sunny and warm. } } The reason is a scientific principle known as "The Conservation of } Luck." In other words, *somebody* has to counter-balance those folks in } Wisconsin who won $110,000,000.00 last year and the guy who fell 40,000 } feet from a plane, without a parachute, landed in a damp ditch and } survived with nothing more than a slight headache. With all that } incredibly good luck around, the universe demands that someone pay the } price. } } Guess who got picked? } } This should also explain why the IRS computer has picked you for 17 } years running for the Deep Audit Program; why the Bureau of Alcohol and } Tobacco has gotten the address wrong on that search warrant and stormed } your house (twice); why your third wife left you for your 80-year-old } neighbor; why your computer regularly has a hard disk failure just } before you are about to back up a six-month project; why your dog bit } that lawyer last week. } } Didn't you even notice when that volcano erupted in your back yard? } Didn't you even *wonder* about that? I mean, you're in Iowa, man! You } aren't even remotely *near* a tectonic plate edge! Can't you take a } hint? } } And how many people have you heard of who have had a meteorite hit } them... six times in three years? Think about it! This is not normal. } This is the King Hell of bad luck, kiddo. Face it: You're screwed. Rain } on your day off is the least of your problems. Just be grateful that it } isn't a thunderstorm... } } >>>ZOT!<<<  >>>ZOT!<<< >>>ZOT!<<< } } That wasn't me! Wow... three times. I guess they're right...lightning } doesn't strike twice in the same place. } } You owe the Oracle a promise that you'll stay as far away from him as } possible.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Ding!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ah, yes. I remember this little sysadmin's trick. Let me see here.... } } bash# man ding } Formatting page, please wait... } } DING(8)             UNIX System Manager's Manual             DING(8) } } NAME }      ding - annoy a user by sounding an alarm } } SYNOPSIS }      ding [-ad] [-c count] [-i wait] [-p pattern] [-v volume] } } DESCRIPTION }      Ding uses an undocumented function embedded in most TCP/IP }      libraries which will sound an alarm attached to the remote host. }      When sent to a remote host, DING packets will trigger any such }      alarm. } }      The default alarm is a cross between a trumpet and approximately }      one and a half billion bees buzzing. The default volume will be }      set, depending on how the source code was compiled, to around 150 }      decibels. } } COMMAND LINE OPTIONS } }      -a }            Sound an alarm which sounds like a Sears $5.99 Ringer Alarm }            Clock. Excellent for morning wakeup calls to users who have }            fallen asleep on their terminals. } }      -c count }            Specify multiple DINGs to be sent. Be warned that if this }            number is set anywhere over 100, it will take the host }            computer nearly 2 years to stop processing the DING }            requests. } }      -d }            Sound the submarine dive klaxon. Amazingly, most computers }            have one. This one is particularly good for scaring the }            pants off of lusers. } }      -i wait }            Specify the number of seconds to delay before starting the }            DING packet sender. This is mainly to protect sysadmins from }            immediate discovery. } }      -p pattern }            Specify the pattern of the DINGs. This should be given in }            industry- standard morse-code pattern (i.e., }            dit-dit-dash-dit-dash-dit). } }      -v volume }            THIS OPTION SHOULD BE USED BY SYSADMINS WEARING PROTECTIVE }            GOGGLES ONLY. Adjust the volume of the alarm. Values from 5 }            decibels to over 300 decibels are acceptible. } } BUGS } }      Intel-86 boxes do not have configurable alarms. Therefore, }      ding(8) will merely cause them to bluescreen and lock up. We've }      given a lot of thought to fixing this one, but, in the end, }      decided that it wasn't worth the effort.  Besides, it's kinda }      fun. } }      The maximum volume of most alarms will cause bleeding from the }      ears and, in rare cases, severe concussion. } }      Flood dinging is not recommended in general, and flood pinging }      the broadcast address should only be done inside soundproof }      rooms. } } SEE ALSO }      dingconfig(8),  dingd(8) } } HISTORY }      The ding command appeared in 4.3BSD. It was subsequently removed }      by a deaf Berkeley professor in the next version. } } 4.3 Berkeley Distribution       March 16, 1991                     3

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Most powerful and wise Oracle, please answer this lowly supplicant's > humble question: > > How many home pages must a man have before you can call him a geek?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} This question harkens back to the Oracle's "Wild Period" when it was } heavily influenced by the drug-crazed music of Bob Dylan, who asked } something or other about roads and white doves.  However, this answer } is not "Blowing In The Wind," as it were.  The true measure of geekdom } is not in the quantity of one's homepages (although the proclivity to } "geek" is stronger the more pages you acquire), but rather in the } content placed on each one.  A true geek can accomplish total geekitude } with just one homepage, provided it contains enough video captures of } "Baywatch", more than six Klingon fashion tips, some Beck lyrics, and } the phrase "XXXX is the greatest XXXX of all time!!!!!!!" (Note the use } of seven or more exclamation points)  So, lowly supplicant, geekosity } is not in the number of pages, but rather in their content.  It is } perfectly possible for a computer professional to have dozens and } dozens of homepages and never touch on actual geekiness.  Likely, no. } Possible, yes, but so is spontaneous combustion. } As an aside, there are few shortcuts in this world, but should you wish } to attain geekility in just one step, the Oracle has but two words for } you - "Pocket Protector." } } In payment for this answer, the Oracle requests a pair of Horned Rim } Glasses strapped together with tape and a wrinkled plaid shirt.