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} Such a small amount of grovelling for such an enormous question?
} Oh, very well, just this once -
}
} The Explanation you have no doubt been taught is thus -
}
} "In the beginning, there was the Word."
}
} This is not true. Before the Word, there was the Intake of Breath,
} and before that there was the Clearing Of The Throat. This was
} shortly followed by the Cough, then The Slightly Bigger Cough, then
} The Enormous Great Heaving Chest Rattle and The Expulsion Of Phlegm.
} Each of the globules of Phlegm congealed, settled down to a stable
} spinning state, and became known as Galaxies. This was the way things
} remained for several thousand million years. Now, as anyone knows,
} leave a globule of Phlegm for too long, and it starts to grow mouldy.
} This is indeed what happened with the Great Gobbets of Primordial
} Phlegm - they began to grow things. Primitive things at first,
} like mould. However, these things were left uninterrupted for
} many millions of years, and began to change. Evolution was slow,
} and though the outward appearance of these beings eventually became
} almost indistinguishable from humans, remnants of their furry past
} can still be seen (hairy palms, etc.) The brain is yet to evolve
} into an intelligence comparable even to a lower invertebrate - say,
} a jellyfish.
}
} Now, as time passed, the Great Gobbets of Primordial Phlegm began to
} collapse under their own gravity and stickiness. As they contracted,
} their rate of spin increased, like an ice skater pulling in their
} arms, until the Things were thrown off at great velocity. They hurtled
} through space at incredible speeds, before colliding with the Earth
} about sixty five million years ago, wiping out the dinosaurs and
} eighty percent of the species alive at the time. Their evolution
} ended there, and they faced an agonising wait until other beings
} had evolved to the point of looking similar enough to accept them,
} during which time they carefully formulated the plan of consuming all
} available natural resources, destroying humankind, and using human
} technology to escape to another world. They now live in human society
} in small close-knit groups, under various pseudonyms - Republicans,
} Conservatives, Fundamentalists, Rugby players - and are currently on
} Phase IV of their plan.
}
} Good Luck - You'll need it.
}
} You owe the Oracle the head of Billy Graham
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