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} Well, Sherman, step into the Wayback machine...
}
} Oops, I forgot; Zadoc made off with it. Okay, how about the 3D-BB?
} No, I loaned that to the POV-Ray folks. Atavachron's broken; I can't
} find the TARDIS... Oh well, I'll just have to tell you.
}
} Men wore hose and garters, and proudly displayed their genitalia by
} wearing "codpieces", which were often padded or stuffed (except for
} the Spanish, who for some reason preferred small codpieces). Their
} breeches were often so large that they could put tablecloths,
} candlesticks, pistols, and other large objects in them. Women
} wore corsets to give them the figures of twelve-year-old boys.
} "Nice" women didn't wear underwear, but prostitutes did. Dennis
} Rodman, therefore, would not have been viewed as a freak. Mary,
} Queen of Scots, was *not* Elizabeth's sister -- "Bloody Mary" was.
} Both were beheaded. Women were not allowed to act; boys or young
} men played female parts on the stage. And kissed the men.
} Elizabethans were fond of fart jokes; Beavis and Butthead would
} have been considered comic geniuses. Syphilis was a sign of social
} status; some people even wore fake sores to make it look like they
} were infected. People spelled words however they thought they
} sounded, and would even spell the same word three different ways
} in the same sentence; a single sentence could take up an entire
} printed page (if the Internet had existed then, there would have
} been no such thing as a "spelling flame" or "grammar flame").
} Elizabethans thought potatoes were horrible, because they tried
} to eat the greens rather than the roots. They brushed their teeth
} with sugar and honey. They had pencils, but since rubber hadn't
} been invented yet, erased their lines with bread. To guard their
} noses against the foul odours of peasants, Elizabethan ladies made
} "pomanders" or "sweet bags" with substances as varied as weasel
} squeezings and whale snot.
}
} And the worst part of it is, I'm not making any of this up.
}
} Well, except that part about Rodman not being a freak.
}
} An thou wouldst pay thy tribute to the Oracle, then pull thou the
} Oracles Ffingre, (& thou shalt receeve a Surprize for thyne Efforts).
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