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} Oracle: Zadoc!.... Zadoc!!!
}
} [Sounds of power tools and a wet thudding from the small dungeon on
} the left fade out. Zadoc enters, holding a small alarm clock and a
} small tub of yoghurt, and leaving a trail of greenish footprints.]
}
} Zadoc: Yes, O grand and glorious master, who knows the times and
} seasons for -
}
} Oracle: Yeah, yeah, look, a supplicant just left this here for me.
} Do the usual, check it out... if it's any good bring it back and show
} it to me.
}
} Zadoc: Yes, O magnificent one [bowing].
}
} [Zadoc bends down, and picks up the small flat plastic box.
} Emblazoned on the cover are the words "Microsoft Windows 98", with
} a small hologram of a baby in front of a computer in the corner.
} He adjusts his mirrors, and walks out backwards, trailing his nose
} in the green stuff.
}
} Oracle returns to the supplicants, and ZOTs a couple, just because.
}
} Time passes....
}
} Three days later, Zadoc returns, a strange light shining in his eyes.]
}
} Zadoc: O grand and glorious Oracle, who knows the
}
} Oracle: Yeah, yeah, cut the crap, what was the stupid thing?
}
} Zadoc: Windows 98 is now installing.... please wait.
}
} [A wanky blue screen opens on the Oracle's Big Computer, saying,
} "Preparing to run Windows 98 for the first time." The Oracle's Big Hard
} Drive light goes on, and the Big Hard Drive begins to scream like a
} 747 take-off. Lights flicker, and suddenly the Big Screen goes blank.
} A klaxon sounds in the distance.
}
} Zadoc begins convulsing wildly and drops to the floor; a note falls
} from his hand. The Oracle bends down to pick it up, and reads:
}
} "So, you're not so tough, are you? I've had enough of your *useless*
} answers, and senseless ZOTtings! Do you know what you are? A woodchuck!
} 42 of them! all chucking cabers! Burn in hell, Oracle!
}
} Muhahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
} Muhahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!"
}
} Oracle glances up, frowns, wonders why anyone would write
} "Muhahahahahahahaha!!!!!" on a note, rather than just saying it, and
} quickly makes up his mind. Dragging Zadoc behind him, he presses the
} secret button on the back of his Internet Oracle's director's chair,
} and runs down the stairs. Lisa appears from the lavish bedroom on
} the right wearing... well, we won't go into that, anyway, she also
} runs down the stairs and the trapdoor closes behind her.
}
} Panicked supplicants gibber and wimper on the floor; several are
} writhing in the green stuff, which has now gone quite tacky and will
} be difficult to get out in the wash. The plaster begins to crack,
} and the cave starts to fall in on itself...]
}
} Will the Oracle escape the deadly virus? Will Lisa be warm enough
} onboard the escape capsule? Will Zadoc ever grow back his front teeth
} and fingernails?
}
} Stay tuned, miserable supplicants! Same Oracular time, same Oracular
} email address...
}
} You owe the Oracle Linux 2.2... for the DEC Alpha.
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