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Internet Oracularities #D1K
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[ Please see the introduction to the real Digest #1000 for the ]
[ revelation and explanation of this April Fool's Day digest posting. ]
@@@ WE MADE IT!
@@@
@@@ The Thousandth digest has arrived! They said it couldn't be done.
@@@ They said it'd never happen. They said it'd all end. But here it is.
@@@ One thousand digests of ten thousand selected Oracularities. What an
@@@ accumulation!
@@@
@@@ However ... *sigh* I thought we were ready for this.
@@@
@@@ Please excuse the noncanonical number on this digest (#000).
@@@ Having approached the big #1000 with confidence that all D1K (digest
@@@ one thousand) bugs were exterminated from the Oracle's systems,
@@@ I discover that now, as the moment is here, some nasty ones remain.
@@@ Since it seems that it'll cause less trouble to let out the digest
@@@ with #000 for now than #1000, that's how it is. I wouldn't want
@@@ to disappoint our faithful readers and delay this landmark digest.
@@@ We'll be working around the clock to get everything fixed before
@@@ #1001 is due. Wish us luck
@@@
@@@ ... and remind me to retire from the computer biz before Jan 1, 2000.
@@@
@@@ Yours in millennial celebration/trauma, Steve Kinzler
To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate,
send mail to oracle@internetoracle.org with the word "help" in the subject
line.
Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this
message). For example:
000
2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1
995 91 votes dHFfp iAOrr gpOoi epLme sywOs tAIRt 1pSAh 0rHCo 0IELo 0LSEd
995 3.1 mean 3.0 3.1 3.0 3.0 3.1 3.1 3.3 3.4 3.3 3.1
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Como consigo una tarjeta verde de inmigracion de los E.E.U.U.?
>
> Muchas gracias,
> Esteban Cazador
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Did you know that 'Verde' is a character in the book 'Dance of the
} Tiger'? Except that it's spelt slightly differently.
}
} You owe The Oracle a one ton tomato.
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Lisa. Woodchuck. Zadoc. Og. Fighting fish. Grovel. <ZOT>.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} London, Paris, New York, Moscow, Tokyo, Sydney, Prague.
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oracle, what's your favourite recipe for Chili?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} The Internet Oracle's Mild Red Chile Posole with Meat
} === ======== ======== ==== === ===== ====== ==== ====
}
} 20 New Mexico (or Anaheim red) chiles, stemmed and seeded
} 1 cup dried chiltepines
} 3 cups cooked posole corn
} 4 medium-sized garlic cloves, peeled
} 6 cups beef broth
} 1/4 cup olive oil
} 2 pounds game meat, preferably javelina, cut into 1" x 1/2" chunks
} Salt
} Freshly ground black pepper
} 1/4 cup dried leaf oregano (for garnish)
}
} Put red chiles, chiltepines, garlic and 2 cups of broth in a blender
} or food processor; process until chiles are pureed. In a large pot,
} heat oil over medium-high heat. Season javelina generously with salt
} and pepper and saute until evenly browned, about 5 minutes. Pour off
} half the fat and add pureed chile mixture. Saute 2 minutes more. Add
} remaining stock, posole, and 1 teaspoon salt. Bring to a boil, reduce
} heat, partly cover and simmer--stirring occasionally--until meat is
} tender and sauce is thick, about 1 1/2 hours. Garnish lightly
} with oregano. Makes 4-6 servings.
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Life a river
> A sapphire in the swift
> current illuminated
> swirling through immense
> hard space
> small decayed rock;
> sand.
>
> Life a river
> by a field where a gull
> wings by once
> gray, a color
> unremembered as all
> fades.
>
> A river
> for nothing;
> an offer;
> no taker;
>
> Snow-trickles, creekbed, earth.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} There once was a life like a river
} A sapphire in the swift would sliver
} A small decayed rock
} Some wings that would lock
} An offer no taker no giver
}
} You owe The Oracle some snow-trickles in my creekbed.
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> +----------------------------------------------------------------------
> | Visit GodzillaMan's %%%% friends, free software can't survive if we
> | Mega Awesome %@@%%% don't cooperate with stealing it!!!
> | Warez and %%% %%%%%%% # # crack osme code today! email me at
> | Crackz site %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%#### GodzillaMan2000@juno.com with file
> | on the WWW! VVVVVVVV%%%%%%##### reqeusts!!! ---------------------
> | New stuff AAAAAAAA%%%%%%%## --------------------------------
> | added daily! %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% ------------Wared Board---------
> | All crackz %%%%%%%%%% # # -------------------------------
> | are elite only ---- %%%%%%%%%% #### ---------GodzillaMan---------
> | no lames crap --- %%%%%%%%%%##### ---------Annihilated---------
> | like the \\ -- %%%%%%%%%%%%## ----------PotRoast-----------
> | other so \\%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%% ----------Defender1----------
> | called \\%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%% # # ----------------------------
> | sites out %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% #### ---------------------------
> | there! 1000's %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%##### ----We Rule! SPA sux!-----
> | of files ready %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%## ---We will not be ruled---
> | for download now %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% ---by the so called law!--
> | like Wolfenstein 3D %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% # # ------------------------
> | Sopwith Ultima III %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% #### ----GodzillaMan says---
> | Moira Wordstar Basica %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%##### -------"ROAR!"---------
> | and tons more! Tradez %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%## -----------------------
> | only 1 file up for each %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% # # --------------------
> | file down! Look for the %%%%%%%% %%%%%%% #### -------------------
> | site at 127.0.0.1, login %%%%%%% -- %%%%%% ##### ------------------
> | as anonymous with your %%%%%%% --- %%%%%%%## # # -------------
> | email address as password %%%%%%% --- %%%%%%% #### ------------
> | logins are not %%%%%%%% ---- %%%%%%%%% ## ------------
> | logged! Pass the <<%%%%%%%%%%%%% ------ %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% ----
> | word to your <<%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% --------- %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
> +----------------------------------------------------------------------
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Do you have Oracle DBMS software? I'm also looking for some expert
} Oracle programmers, if you know of anyone who might be interested.
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> My meat parts are fond of you.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} What is your % body fat?
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh wonderous Oracle ,
>
> I need to write a program that takes an input string, randomises
> it and then outputs the identical same string. I really don't
> know if this is possible but if anyone knows it would surely
> be you! I would be more than greatful!
>
> Humbly Yours,
> Mr C
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} (define randomly-permute
} (letrec ((fact (lambda (n)
} (if (<= n 1)
} 1
} (* n (fact (- n 1)))))))
} (lambda (str)
} (begin
} (display (list->string (list-ref
} (generate-all-permutations
} (string->list str))
} (randomnumber
} (fact (string-length str))))))
} (newline))
} str)))
}
} (define generate-all-permutations
} (lambda (lst)
} (letrec ((remove-first
} (lambda (x lst)
} (if (eqv? (car lst) x)
} (cdr lst)
} (cons (car lst) (remove-first x (cdr lst))))))
} (map-append
} (lambda (f lst)
} (if (null? lst)
} '()
} (append (f (car lst))
} (map-append f (cdr lst)))))))
} (if (<= (length lst) 1)
} (list lst)
} (let ((prefix-to-every (lambda (elt)
} (map (lambda (lst-elt)
} (append (list elt) lst-elt))
} (generate-all-permutations
} (remove-first elt lst))))))
} (map-append prefix-to-every lst))))))
}
} (define randomnumber
} ; n0t 5t4t15T1c477y r4nd0m, but c7053 3n|_|ff!!1! k3w7!
} (lambda (less-than)
} (inexact->exact (modulo (round (runtime)) less-than))))
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Hey you, i found this in my e-mail box, and i thought that i
> should forward it to every person that i know, pretty cool offer.
>
> Now there is a way to get a free web page on the internet.
> There's free e-mail and irc server too. You get 100 meg of space
> and free tech support. Let me know at freewebsite555@juno.com if
> you are interested in this valuble offer. Thanks dude. Haven't
> you always watned your own Web Site?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} your a jerk
}
} ***************mew*************mew********mew*************************
} *"To be or not to be thats the mother-f--king question." - me *
} *"I used to have a brain but then I started reading." *
} *"Dance all night go go go." - Talking Heads *
} * ==================================== *
} *If you like cats as much as I do check out my mewsite!!! Its way *
} *kewel! *
} * (all opinions are mine so screw it) *
} * *
} *my website can be found at: *
} * http://www.krpsht.quirk.pds/smile/~marge/mew *
} **********************************************************************
} ********mew***********mew*************mew*************mew*************
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oracle, if you're so witty and wise, why do I keep getting empty answers
> to my questions?!
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} HOI! ZADOC!
}
} You called master.
}
} Zadoc. What time is it?
}
} 3:15pm master.
}
} I knew that, worm!
}
} You owe The Oracle an omnipotent wristwatch.
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> If I mention Lisa, Zadoc, Og, woodchucks, lemurs, and bright red
> Siamese fighting fish in my query, will it appear in the Digest?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} **ZOT!**
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